Hi, my name is george... like the monkey. It's nice to meet you.

I'm currently in NYC at my sister's house for Christmas. They live on the upper west side of Manhattan so its been so much fun! More to come on the city itself, but this post is about my adorable little niece. My first day I taught her "oooo-aaaah" like a monkey. Ever since she will break out in monkey sounds randomly. Its hilarious.A few days later she connected the sound with Curious George. The other morning she woke up and I was still on my air matress in the living room. She scooted up to me and said, "oh! Hi George!" with this little clever smile on her face. She has a hard time saying my name but hey, at least she calls me something. :)

intentionality

I'm learning things about myself lately. Specifically, I'm realizing that I'm a pretty intentional person and that I have pretty good memory for the little quirky things in life like people's middle names, the specifics of conversations that happened a really long time ago or the random little facts that people tell me about themselves. I'm going to border on narcissistic for a second and say that I like that I remember silly things and that I'm probably ridiculously intentional at times. My intentionality and hyper-sensitive memory often lend, however, to my being less than efficient and somewhat anxious about spontaneity- I like to have a plan. I'm not always great at planning and I have a strange semi-aversion to organized activities but I like to have at least an idea of whats going on.

For example, there are certain streets I really enjoying walking down and will walk even three or four blocks out of my way to do so. I like the way the trees on La Salle look, especially right now. I like the way that the apartments on Chestnut just East of Clark St. smell like fresh clean laundry at certain part of the day. I absolutely love walking down Deerborn and marveling at the architecture and the lamps that have actual flames instead of light bulbs. I like the way that the trees on Wells just in front of lot C look right now. The branches are almost bare but there are a few incredibly bright yellow leaves still lingering. A friend today said they look like ornaments hanging from the tree; he was right. I will make it a point to walk through this certain part of the plaza in the fall. The smell reminds me of the trees in the Gieseke's (my next door neighbors growing up...) side yard and the hundreds of rotten crab apples that would turn to mush on the ground in the fall. I used to dodge swarms of bumble bees while standing in their side yard to hit the volleyball against our house. Usually Jesse was up in the tree throwing the small hard apples at me.

I also am inclined to remember things people tell me that they like. Every time I walk down a candy aisle I look for Jelly Belly dutch mints because Bethany Jackson loves them and they don't make them anymore I don't think. I did find a close substitute at a local candy shop, however. I look for coconut Hershey's kisses for Holly every chance I get. I cut out every cupcake picture I find in my monthly Real Simple magazine to give to Sarah Grace because she loves cupcakes. I really like to get purple things and use them or wear them around my niece because its her favorite color. I have found myself on more than one occasion standing in a store aisle trying to decide which color get to get of something (shirts, binders, pens, toothbrushes, etc...) and have chosen the purple one because Ladybug would like it. And without fail, if next time I see her and I'm using my newest purple item, she comments on how much she likes it because its purple. :)

These are things I was thinking about while I went on my walk today. (I saw the trees on Wells and on LaSalle and the lamp on Deerborn... i missed the laundry smell today, though.)I'm currently learning how to use my bend toward intentionality and memory with things that matter a little bit more than candy and pretty streets. Things like the people in my life and the monuments in their lives or the things that encourage them. Its an exercise and can be hard at times but I'm finding it brings a lot of joy.

The picture below is at our favorite apple orchard in the Des Moines area. Laina and I had a rubber ducky race. She won. :)

the weekend is a beautiful thing

On Saturday morning, I have a date. I have a leaf collecting date with a 5 year old little girl named Abby Smith and I can't wait. I've been looking forward to it since I first talked to her mom about it at the RA picnic. Abby and I walked around Lincoln Park that day and collected leaves for probably close to an hour. It was so much fun. Saturday we're going to collect them, take some pictures and put together a little package to send to her grandparents who live in Mexico. Apparently one of the things they miss the most from the Midwest US is the changing of fall leaves. We're going to modgepodge some leaves on a picture frame with a picture of Abby playing in the leaves and then we'll mail them some of the fall leaves we collect. I can't wait! I have some pressed leaves modgepodged into my journal from last fall and I love looking back through. I collected the leaves on a much needed walk with Laurie Dori last October. The leaves are accompanied by some heart-felt words that searched for God and that reflected incredibly honest cries from my heart on behalf of myself and my friends. We were walking through some rough stuff together around this time last year. A lot has changed since then, and we've grieved a lot, and are still grieving, but my hope and prayer is that we can continue the process together because communal grief is a beautiful part of the Body that we often miss out on I think. I truly hope that as we move forward we can see together how our tears are changed to joy in the hands of our Abba, and that when the tears still fall many years from now we can cry and hurt together again while at the same time rejoicing in the wounds that grace and love have healed.
I guess I went pretty deep from my initial excitement of my playdate with Abby. I didn't know I was going there when I started writing but it merited writing about. I hope my leaf-collecting time with Abby is as special and monumental as it was with Laurs. :) I'm sure it will be in its own way. Happy Fall, friends!

22

My mom's status on facebook today reads, "vinte e dois anos atras eu encontrei um amendoim" which means "twenty-two years ago I found a peanut." its a family joke but basically, she calls me Peanut. She always has, I can't remember a time when she didn't. I didn't realize that it might even be a little bit odd until I was 20 or so and my brother-in-law looked at me confused and said, "what did she cal you?" I don't mind, its never been embarrassing. Anyways, all that to say that I turned 22 today. Everyone made much too big a deal of it, I got publicly humiliated more than enough times, thanks guys. :) But, I feel incredibly loved, and thats a blessing. Its first birthday I have actually felt older.Not necessarily since yesterday when I was a mere 21 years of age but just thinking back to last year at this time. It is also the first year that people over the age of 10 have told me that I am old and legitimately meant it. Granted, the people that told me that are only one or two years younger than me but still. I'm sure my sisters will give me grief for this but thats ok. My oldest sister, Christine, was married with two kids at my age and Angela was just getting married i think. So strange to think of. I'm a senior in college with very little idea what I want to do with my life. I mean, I have some thoughts and ideas but nothing too concrete. But I'm ok with that for now. Its keeping me in the present and I'm grateful.

waiting

I guess its been a while since I've written on here. I've never been terribly faithful at keeping it up to date. But, I had a coffee date with Andrea and I always come away inspired to write after I spend time with her. :)

I quit my job approximately a month and a half ago, but I left for the summer in May so I haven't actually worked in quite some time. It seems ludicrous to quit a steady job with the economy as it is and I fought it for a long time, wondering and questioning whether is was a blind step of faith into darkness or if it was just plainly irresponsible. At RA retreat last Fall, Bruce encouraged us to develop a "breath prayer;" I started praying pointedly that God would teach me to trust Him, really trust Him. I don't think I knew what I was asking for, and I think I'm still only partially aware. But this past 5-6 weeks or so have been a glimpse. I've never depended so much on the Lord to meet my needs in such a raw way. I am living one random babysitting or ushering job to the next and its beautiful. It has made me so much more aware of what my legitimate needs are, and what desires I have confused with need.

All this is incredibly humbling and at times I sit in agonizing silence before the Lord. But its teaching me to wait. I think for a long time I have thought that "waiting before the Lord" was about whatever signified the end of the wait but I'm realizing that its less about the answer than it is about the process of waiting because in the waiting, strength and faith are increased. I'm realizing that God cares much more about the posture of my heart and the integrity and devotion of my character than He does about my long term goals to serve Him. Its been a long, hard, and incredibly precious few weeks.

lady and the tramp, family, and a night with the kiddos

I've decided that the neighborhood i live in (well, I guess that my parents live in...) is kinda like where the Disney movie "Lady and the Tramp" took place. Really there is one correlation: dogs. I've been going on nightly walks in the hills at dusk and as I make my way up the hill from our house the dogs start barking incredibly loudly as if warning the others, farther up the hill, that I am coming. The "farther up the hill dogs" are already barking by the time I pass them. This continues for my 30 minute walk winding up and down and through the hills. Dogs everywhere. Thankfully, none of them have attacked me yet. But my mom does make me take my cell phone, just in case. And I really do think it is more because of the dogs than any creeper that might happen to live on top of this hill. The only people out up here at that time of night are families coming home, the occasional "parked" couple, and the old men who tend their gardens up here. My mom and I think that they wake up every morning somewhere in the city and their wives kinda "shew" them out of the house for the day. They are the self-proclaimed neighborhood watchers. They look at me somewhat suspiciously as I walk around. I don't think they recognize me. Although, I did have to climb the gate to the school a couple times after getting locked out AND in. I guess they have reason to be suspicious.

It's so wonderful to be here. So refreshing, encouraging. It's a precious part of my life. Most of the friends I grew up going to school with have long gone to other parts of the world. That's the thing about going to school with kids from all over the world, it's hard to reconnect with them, at least geographically. I have seen a couple of them, which was sweet to me. Mostly, however, I've been spending time with my friends from my church. I love these people. They are family. I wish I had words to describe how much they mean to me. It has been such a blessing to spend time with them and witness how God has changed and grown them. You gain an interesting perspective being gone for so long. When you come back you see the leaps of growth rather than the small steps. It's kinda cool. And then you get to hear the stories of the steps. They've all been so welcoming and loving. I feel somewhat like a traitor sometimes. I come, spend great time catching up with them, basking in the love and care they offer, and then I leave again, three weeks later. Sometimes I just wish I could stay. Life is simple here. Refreshingly simple.

I've gotten to spend the day with little kids. I love it. My parents agreed to watch a family of three kids (mks) overnight and I got to help out. Really, I've just played right along with them. The boy is the oldest and so smart, you can just tell. He knows how to work our dvd player and tv better than i do (trust me, it takes a combination of about 5 remotes and 100 buttons to watch a dvd...more or less...). The little girls are the ones that just make my heart jump. The older one is Ellie, age 8. She is a pensive, sweet, tenderhearted little girl. You can tell she thinks deeply through things, especially for her age. She has a sensitive heart and has just been a little blessing. SO sweet. She is respectful and caring, very engaging. Even at 8 she just cares about people and wants to know what makes them them. She's asked a lot of insightful questions, i love it. Her little sister Maddie is a riot. She is 5 and while still precious and a sweetheart is much more straight forward. She fed me salad and carrot soup at the park tonight (two BIG handfuls of pebbles). It was tasty.:) Both girls insisted on holding my hands everywhere we walked, sitting on either side of me at dinner and in the car, taking turns sitting on my lap, and for some reason playing with my hair. They're fascinated with my curls. Over and over again they would gently pull them and watch them "boing" back up. I don't usually let people play with my hair but these girls were so cute and fascinated that it didn't seem to bother me. It has been a fun night. I love seeing life through the eyes of little kids. It's honest. It reminds me of how, as adults, we got to be where we are. It's good to be reminded.

" You are the God who saves us, worthy of all our praises."

Sorry for the long delay for the few of you who read this. I'm in Portugal now and am amazed every day. I'm working at camp this week doing everything from making copies, making food, setting tables, translating, leading work teams, its been somewhat chaotic, a little confusing but mostly amazing and incredibly humbling to watch God work. I'm leading a work team as my main job. We set up for meals and clean after them, we wash dishes and clean bathrooms. Three of the five other people on my work team are great workers; two of them have been a bit of a challenge. I was ready to send them home yesterday, but today, I'm full of love for them and I'm learning that God isn't finished with them, and while He is growing them, He is using them.
The gospel is being preached every day, multiple times a day at camp in an incredibly powerful way. Some of the kids there don't know who God is but have been hearing about Him and how He saves every day for the last two weeks. Four kids lives were changed for eternity tonight. They will never be the same again. They got to be connected with people who will also disciple them and help them grow. PRAISE the LORD! Its such a blessing to be here. To be able to share the gospel with kids, through sharing my own story, through translating, through helping. Its been so awesome to see teens from my church and surrounding churches who were saved in the last 5 years now counseling kids at camp and leading them to a personal relationship with Christ. I'm really at a loss for words.
I am full of love. I love this country, this language, these people, the culture. Its so beautiful and God's heart is full of love for them and is breaking for their hearts. Its a love that is transforming my heart. God is so much bigger than any one of our stories, our lives, but through our stories, He makes His name great among the people of the world.
I beg you to pray for these kids this week. I'll share more stories next week when I have more time to write adn do them justice. These kids need Jesus. My prayer is that they find Him.

listening to the silence...

I'm going to Africa tomorrow. Part of a dream that I've been dreaming for about five years or more. I'll be going into North Africa for a few days.If you have questions or are interested in knowing more about my trip, feel free to shoot me an email. Its easier to communicate that way. (charityjoyvoelker@gmail.com)

I know God has so many things so show me and I'm asking that above all you pray that I listen closely to His voice. The words from a song I heard recently have been running through my head. They say "I've made You promises a thousand times, I try to hear from heaven but I talk the whole time..." I feel like that is the case so many times. I try to pray, to sit before the Lord and hear His voice. But, somewhere along the way I've confused prayer with talking to God and have left little room for listening in silence for His voice. Sometimes I wonder how many times a day I fail to recognize it.

A quick update about my actual internship: I have been reworking a design I originally started that wasn't quite what the project supervisor was looking for. Its been a difficult time in some regards, I've battled a lack of creativity and personal frustrations and stubbornness, but have also experienced the excitement of new ideas and the joys of working through the rough spots. It has resulted in some random work hours(when inspiration and creativity finally hit, you have to run with it!...even at 2:30 in the morning sometimes...) and a lot of days of research, brainstorming, and trying to muster up some inspiration. But, I've come up with an overall theme that I liked and decided it was time to show it to my project supervisor. So, I took my computer to his office today, braced for constructive criticism. I've had a lot of "getting over myself" to do the last couple days so this meeting really could have been a great thing or an awful thing. I tried not to hold my breath as I entered his office. But, good news! I had two designs to show him and he really liked one (the same one as me) and really disliked the other (which helps, actually, in a strange way.). It was a successful meeting and I came away really encouraged. So, I've got some tweaking and reworking as well as a few pages to keep working on but I feel like I have some direction which is a wonderful feeling!

I'll probably be out of contact for the next week or so but will be back in Malaga soon! love and miss you all. Que la gracia del Senor sobreabunde en vosotros!

dad

I've got a little bit of "Daddy's girl" in me... ok maybe more than a little bit. He's an amazing man that i love deeply and respect greatly! Happy Father's Day Dad! I'm a lucky girl, love you!

weekend and a sleepless night...

Well, the weekend was great! Friday night was a piano/violin/flute recital for some of the missionary kids which was so much fun! They are really talented. After the concert I went down town with some girls to celebrate one of the girls's birthdays. I really like the city at night. Saturday I slept in then had a lazy morning with my roommate. We cleaned the apartment and just took it easy. Then, we went downtown again to revisit a photo exhibit we had only gotten to glance at the night before. It was photos and short essays about water contamination, human rights, natural disasters and poverty around the world. Talk about intense. There was a section of local issues too which was cool. While we were reading the local essays, we ran into an old man who told us stories about the local stuff and then we just got to talk to him for like 30 minutes, it was the highlight of the evening. We walked around the city a bit more and had Doner Kebab for dinner; it was wonderful! Sunday we went to a church along the coast and then had lunch and spent the rest of the day on the beach with some girls from the church. My spanish was definitely stretched but it was fun. The coast is so beautiful!

I started feeling sick on Friday night with a headache and thankfully was able to rest a lot on Saturday. The headache returned on Sunday, unfortunately and I'm still not feeling well. I stayed in bed a good portion of the day yesterday and that seemed to help. However, I have had a pretty rough night and have only gotten a few hours of sleep tonight. So, I'm up before the sun with a soar throat and plugged ears. Hopefully this doesn't last long. I really need to get work done on the project I'm supposed to be working on. For my prayer warriors out there, I would definitely appreciate your prayers for health, rest (I'm realizing I'm still pretty weary and run down from the school year), and motivation/creativity for this project! I'm having a rough time pulling it together. It will come in time, but it would be nice if that time was soon!

I leave you with a picture of the beautiful Malaga coast.

smith seven shout out

I just wanted to say that i miss these girls a lot today. So many precious memories. But, I will be back on Smith 7 in less than two months! Love you girls!! (if any of you even read this...)living with you is a joy!!

Late Night Excursion

Tonight has been splendid and full of really odd happenings. I started making some dinner but in the process of getting something out of the fridge, a glass jar of mayonnaise fell out and once the ceramic tile floor. The glass shattered everywhere. (i might add that we just bought it not even a week ago; it was full.) So, after cleaning up that mess I made dinner and Pam and I sat down and watched TV while we ate. After dinner we were both hungry for some dessert but the only thing even slightly resembling dessert in our cupboards were these sugar free, fat free, whole grain, fiber enriched cookies that we bought at the grocery store when we vowed to eat healthily. (They aren't actually too bad and taste significantly less like cardboard than one would imagine...). However, they could never qualify for dessert. So, at ten to 10:00 pm, we headed out on foot to the local grocery store which closed at we were walking up. Luckly for us, there's a gas station next store that never closes. We came home with maria cookies (they fall somewhere in between Graham crackers and animal crackers) and nutella. It was a wonderful night time snack. delicious.

waiting in silence

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."
Psalm 62:1-2

celebrating rest

Well, its been almost a week! So much has happened that sitting down to write almost seems an overwhelming task. But, I'll just pick out a few highlights.

First of all, its so great to be here. Things seem so familiar because the culture and just the way things operate is so much like Portugal. Its refreshing. I really enjoy the pace of life. The day starts at 9:15 with prayer meeting with all the people that I work with. Then, work is from about 10-2. Then, everything shuts down except for major businesses from 2-4 for lunch and siesta. Its wonderful. :) Then back to work from 4-7:30 or so. Dinner isn't until around 8:30 or 9. Then bed comes around 11, or in my case anywhere from 10 to 3 am. Jet lag didn't hit me until about 3 days after I got here, but I'm doing much better now. (For a point of reference, we are seven hours ahead of Chicago/DesMoines time.)

I've started working on the project I've been assigned. I'm not too far into it but its under way! I am working on putting together (designing, laying out, arranging text, etc) a Spanish Bible study booklet. I've never done anything quite this large scale so it will be interesting! I'm really enjoying it though, and learning so much already!

The weather is pretty warm but there's an amazing breeze that comes off the Mediterranean. I have LOVED sitting on the porch off of my apartment. We have a beautiful view that these pictures don't do justice. Right now the moon is full and bright and the trees are gently swaying in the wind. It is so calm and I'm loving the time I get to just sit in silence. To breathe. Its refreshing. I'm trying to make it a habit to just spend time in silence every day. Its harder than I thought it would be, my mind just keeps racing. I'm reading in a book about the idea of creating rest and celebrating that rest in the Lord and when I am finally able to quiet down, its so beautiful.


I'm living in an apartment with another girl who is interning for 8 months, she's been here 2 already. She's about my age and its so great! She is such a God-send. One of the things I was worried about was loneliness before coming and so far, the people I'm with, especially my roommate have displayed that my fears hold no water. These people are an extension of God's provision.

One last little tidbit, one of my favorite stories so far. First of all, I'm in Spain. Not a third world country, we have running water (haha, most of the time, though it does periodically shut off for a few hours, and its not alway hot, but I was used to that in Portugal...), we have electricity, paved roads, etc. However, we do have bugs. The other day after prayer meeting we were standing around the kitchen and two of us spotted a cockroach (the large variety) crawling on the wall, toward the ceiling. We asked one of the men to get it (he's the type where nothing phases him). So, he climbed on the counter and just grabbed the roach with his bare hands, holding it in his fist. He pretends like he's about to eat it and one of the ladies dares him to actually do it. He looks at her, smiles, and pops it in his mouth, chews it up, and swallows, then takes a big swig of orange juice. The rest of us just kinda gaped at him. love it! He works in the office next to mine, never a dull moment. :) My roommate and I are considering putting his number on speed dial in case those cockroaches wander up to our apartment. The girls on my floor at school will appreciate that, i know. At least its not a mouse!!



on our way to the market...

I'm here!

After a day and half packed with training and orientation with 5 other precious girls in Kansas City, I left for Malaga by myself Sunday morning. My flights were pretty uneventful and I am now here! I am incredibly tired because I maybe got an hour of sleep combined over all my flights. But in an attempt to get over jet lag as soon as possible, I'm trying to stay up all day. We will see how long it lasts! It doesn't seem like there is much on the agenda today, which is nice. I'm getting settled into the apartment I'll be sharing with another girl about my age for the summer. So nice! Things are falling nicely into place. I'm trying to put off my larger evaluations until I've had some good sleep. :) seems more fair that way. Thats all for now friends, I'll write more when I'm more coherent!

what a week...

Well, my bags are pretty much packed and we're headed to Kansas City in the morning!! The last hour has been spent finishing laundry, measuring suitcases, triple checking the luggage allowance on the different airlines I'll be flying. It can be tedious and a little bit chaotic, but the feeling is so familiar in a really exciting way!

It has been a full week so far. Memorial day was pretty relaxing, got to just chill with my family at the house and grill out before the rain hit. I watched Rylan and Elaina (see recently posted pictures on the left for visual) Tuesday and Wednesday while my sister was still in meetings at school. I love those times. We stayed in our pj's until almost lunch, read books, played wii. I also got to spend time reading the Bible with them which is so exciting to me. I love hearing their sharp, young minds comprehend new things about God. They challenge my faith with their fresh, simple perspective.

Wednesday night I joined a group from my church/school in Des Moines that is going to Portugal this summer on a missions trip to help out during our annual evangelistic camps. It was so exciting! Its something I have been dreaming about since I moved there almost 8 years ago. My worlds will collide in an incredible way, I get to minister with my Portuguese church and American church at the same time. I am more convinced every day that there really are no distinctions, its THE Church, universal Church, GOD's people coming together for one cause: Him. Anyways, I went to their meeting on Wednesday and I got to answer some questions and just give them an idea of what to expect. I didn't realize just how excited I was until I started talking about it. :)

Today has been fun with my sister! We met up with my grandma and aunt for lunch at Panera which is always precious time. After lunch my sister and I shopped for floor decorations for smith 7 next year and pretty much have everything together! It will take full shape in August but I'm really excited about how it looks so far. I'll write more about the theme of everything at a later date, this post is getting lengthy already.

For my prayer warriors, please pray for safe travel tomorrow down to KC. Chris and Jason and the kids are taking me down which is a huge blessing, and a little bit more sweet time with them too! I'll start orientation at Avant tomorrow afternoon and then fly out on Sunday for Spain. I'm excited but the nervousness is definitely starting to settle in. Pray for my attention to be wholly and only on God. The feelings of inadequacy rise often but I'm trying to remind myself that anything I accomplish this summer is no personal victory of mine but wholly the work of God.

I leave you with a picture of me and Elaina, my precious little Ladybug. I miss having her as my shadow when I'm away. :)

Summer 2009

Well, Summer is finally here! It was a great but busy year of school, I definitely loved it but am thankful for a bit of a break! I am currently in Iowa spending some time with my sister and her family and visiting some friends here before heading overseas for the rest of the summer. It is my intention to keep this somewhat updated throughout the summer; we'll see how I do, I guess. I'm really excited to be doing an internship with Avant Ministries in Malaga, Spain this summer and to then go to Portugal for three weeks to visit my parents and be involved with a summer ministry with my church there.

I have been asked by several to post my summer itinerary so here it is:

May 17-29: Des Moines, Iowa (visiting friends and family and resting after a chaotic end to the semester!)

May 29-31: Orientation with Avant in Kansas City, MO
May 31: Fly out to Spain!!!
June 1- July 8:Internship with Avant in Malaga, Spain
July 9-29: Visit family and friends and help church out in Lisbon, Portugal
July 30-31: Debriefing in Kansas City.
August 1-6: Visit a friend in Colorado
August 6-7: Visit friend in Kansas City
August 8: Back to Chicago for RA orientation and getting my floor ready for next year!

dream

You know those conversations where you come away and feel as though the person you've just talked with has given you permission to dream your dream? that thing that you want so badly to do with your life that seems so intangible? Well, i had coffee with a friend today and I feel like thats what happened. She even dreamed with me. blessed.

"Life" by Charlotte Bronte

[this is perhaps one of my favorite poems. I sort of rediscovered it lately. Emily made me a box covered with a world map pieced carefully over it and wrote a portion of the poem (the part about HOPE) over the front of the box that happens to be covered with Africa. i want so badly to go, but i am here now and that is enough. its been a precious day, actually. its been so exciting to see all my girls and hear about their breaks. Amy said i seem like i'm surrounded in warm fuzzies. I feel like i'm in love. this place is becoming a home of sorts. i like it. here's the poem.]

Life,believe, is not a dream
So dark as sages say;
Oft a little morning rain
Foretells a pleasant day.
Sometimes there are clouds of gloom,
But these are transient all;
If the shower will make the roses bloom,
O why lament its fall?
Rapidly, merrily,
Life's sunny hours flit by,
Gratefully, cheerily
Enjoy them as they fly!
What though Death at times steps in,
And calls our Best away?
What though sorrow seems to win,
O'er hope, a heavy sway?
Yet Hope again elastic springs,
Unconquered, though she fell;
Still buoyant are her golden wings,
Still strong to bear us well.
Manfully, fearlessly,
The day of trial bear,
For gloriously, victoriously,
Can courage quell despair!

[lastly, i would like to thank Billy Creech for introducing me to this poem over three years ago. its come to mean a lot. :)]

refreshing.

Its thunderstorming today. I went for a short walk and LOVED it. Its not too cold and rain on my face felt so refreshing. There's something about being out in the rain that makes me feel alive. I kinda like days like these. I love reading in front of the window and listening to the rain. beautiful.

a beautiful night

I got to spend sweet time with Laurie tonight. We went for a late dinner at Panang then took a walk to Jewel and came back to school. Then, she and Elsa joined me in my apartment and baked almost a million cookies. almost. We delivered them to the girls on my floor and there are about half a million or so still sitting on my coffee table. it was so much fun! I forgot how funny the three of us are together after 9 pm. Things get a little crazy and we don't remember much of it. haha. i love them!

mom, home, armitage

I've missed my mom a lot the past few days. I've missed home in general a lot. She asked me when I want to come home next to which I replied that if it is even in the realm of possibility, I want to spend at least a week in Lisbon this summer. Hopefully I will be either in London, Cyprus or Istanbul (for anyone reading this that hasn't heard the Cyprus or Istanbul options please don't freak out...) for my internship so maybe I can stop on the way or take a break. It would be sweet refreshment. I really miss the cliffs and the ocean and the cobble stone streets and my small but BEAUTIFUL church family.

So much is going on in my heart and mind right now. I feel like I can't keep up. God is revolutionizing my thoughts on Christian Love in the Body of Christ and the responsibilities of the church. I can't ignore the passion and desire rising in my heart for the innocent that are suffering around the world at the hands of oppressors, disease, famine, etc. For so long I've been acknowledging that suffering and have been "tender hearted" for it but its hitting closer to home than ever and everywhere I turn God is breaking me with it. He's calling my heart to suffering with them and give them a voice. I don't know what that looks like yet but I know that is has huge implications for my future and that He's leading me to places I've never been before. This both excites and scares me. But, I've been praying for God to break my heart with the things that break His and that is exactally what He's doing.

This has been a short break from my five hours of homework at Argo Tea off the Armitage brown line stop- I really like this corner of the city. I scored an incredible window seat and am thoroughly enjoying watching people walk by as I work. its kinda flurrying too and as much as I am ready to be done with the snow, it is somewhat magical!

grace and peace. More thoughts to come (maybe during my next study break in an hour or so...) on Shalom.

two great things i experienced at starbucks today

1. a seat by the window with the sun shining brightly outside.
2. red velvet cupcake accompanied by a cinnamon dulche latte.

thats all for now.

just a few random thoughts...

I saw a sign today outside the dining room explaining that if we lose our fobs (the devices on which our meals are counted...) they won't let us into the cafeteria. Our options are either to go to facilities to get a new one ($10) or pay for our meal (roughly $6-$8). Under that someone wrote in pen "OR STARVE." and I've been thinking about how I use words. I tend to exaggerate and use somewhat extreme language at times. But, I think doing so does our words a diservice. I'm more convinced every day that our words hold so much power. Power to encourage, to fight, to tear down, to instruct, to enlighten, the list goes on. When I say I starve because I miss a meal, in a sense, it feels to me, like I belittle the severity of the word as it applies to those who actually have no eaten anything for days. I'm trying to be careful with my words.

I've also been thinking about the beauty and grace portrayed in love and trust. I was sitting at Joe's yesterday reading when two people walked in. I think they are both new here this semester. The girl is blind and was being led by a guy. I learned today that they didn't know each other before. I don't know the nature of their relationship but I think they're just friends. He took her arm and guided her and she trusted him completely. There is so much sacrifice on his part. His willingness to adjust his schedule is breathtaking to me (he escorts her most places during the day). Her trust is him is likewise beautiful. I want to love sacrificially, to put the needs of others above my own. I want to trust like that.

On a semi-less reflective and serious note, I'm going ice skating for the first time ever this afternoon! Katie and I are going. I'm really excited! The sun is shining too (a rarity for Chicago in the winter)!

Along the Road

Dr. Schmutzer quoted this poem when we met for our directed study discussion today. Its one that I read along time ago and loved but haven't visited for a while.

Along the Road
by Robert Browning Hamilton

I walked a mile with Pleasure,
She chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser,
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me!

one week down...

and 15 to go! :)
The first week of classes is almost up! I have a pretty great schedule; I'm done by noon or 12:15 everyday! The classes I'm taking are phenomenal! I'm really excited!!! Each class I go to I come away and mull over things for the rest of the day. What really thrills me is how much everything overlaps. There are distinct threads that carry through all of my classes. I love that. And the threads are things that I am most passionate about. It makes me look forward to years down the road when I will be able to look back and see how God used the perspectives and classes to orchestrate and direct my path.
Its going to be a really busy semester with a lot of books to read and papers to write all the time. But its so great.

School has only been back in session for a week though I have been here for a few. Already, though, it seems like life is piling up and colliding so quickly. Part of it excites me and part of it, in a way, breaks me. Breaks my heart and increases the yearning of my soul for the Lord and for the day when He redeems our brokenness.