intentionality

I'm learning things about myself lately. Specifically, I'm realizing that I'm a pretty intentional person and that I have pretty good memory for the little quirky things in life like people's middle names, the specifics of conversations that happened a really long time ago or the random little facts that people tell me about themselves. I'm going to border on narcissistic for a second and say that I like that I remember silly things and that I'm probably ridiculously intentional at times. My intentionality and hyper-sensitive memory often lend, however, to my being less than efficient and somewhat anxious about spontaneity- I like to have a plan. I'm not always great at planning and I have a strange semi-aversion to organized activities but I like to have at least an idea of whats going on.

For example, there are certain streets I really enjoying walking down and will walk even three or four blocks out of my way to do so. I like the way the trees on La Salle look, especially right now. I like the way that the apartments on Chestnut just East of Clark St. smell like fresh clean laundry at certain part of the day. I absolutely love walking down Deerborn and marveling at the architecture and the lamps that have actual flames instead of light bulbs. I like the way that the trees on Wells just in front of lot C look right now. The branches are almost bare but there are a few incredibly bright yellow leaves still lingering. A friend today said they look like ornaments hanging from the tree; he was right. I will make it a point to walk through this certain part of the plaza in the fall. The smell reminds me of the trees in the Gieseke's (my next door neighbors growing up...) side yard and the hundreds of rotten crab apples that would turn to mush on the ground in the fall. I used to dodge swarms of bumble bees while standing in their side yard to hit the volleyball against our house. Usually Jesse was up in the tree throwing the small hard apples at me.

I also am inclined to remember things people tell me that they like. Every time I walk down a candy aisle I look for Jelly Belly dutch mints because Bethany Jackson loves them and they don't make them anymore I don't think. I did find a close substitute at a local candy shop, however. I look for coconut Hershey's kisses for Holly every chance I get. I cut out every cupcake picture I find in my monthly Real Simple magazine to give to Sarah Grace because she loves cupcakes. I really like to get purple things and use them or wear them around my niece because its her favorite color. I have found myself on more than one occasion standing in a store aisle trying to decide which color get to get of something (shirts, binders, pens, toothbrushes, etc...) and have chosen the purple one because Ladybug would like it. And without fail, if next time I see her and I'm using my newest purple item, she comments on how much she likes it because its purple. :)

These are things I was thinking about while I went on my walk today. (I saw the trees on Wells and on LaSalle and the lamp on Deerborn... i missed the laundry smell today, though.)I'm currently learning how to use my bend toward intentionality and memory with things that matter a little bit more than candy and pretty streets. Things like the people in my life and the monuments in their lives or the things that encourage them. Its an exercise and can be hard at times but I'm finding it brings a lot of joy.

The picture below is at our favorite apple orchard in the Des Moines area. Laina and I had a rubber ducky race. She won. :)

the weekend is a beautiful thing

On Saturday morning, I have a date. I have a leaf collecting date with a 5 year old little girl named Abby Smith and I can't wait. I've been looking forward to it since I first talked to her mom about it at the RA picnic. Abby and I walked around Lincoln Park that day and collected leaves for probably close to an hour. It was so much fun. Saturday we're going to collect them, take some pictures and put together a little package to send to her grandparents who live in Mexico. Apparently one of the things they miss the most from the Midwest US is the changing of fall leaves. We're going to modgepodge some leaves on a picture frame with a picture of Abby playing in the leaves and then we'll mail them some of the fall leaves we collect. I can't wait! I have some pressed leaves modgepodged into my journal from last fall and I love looking back through. I collected the leaves on a much needed walk with Laurie Dori last October. The leaves are accompanied by some heart-felt words that searched for God and that reflected incredibly honest cries from my heart on behalf of myself and my friends. We were walking through some rough stuff together around this time last year. A lot has changed since then, and we've grieved a lot, and are still grieving, but my hope and prayer is that we can continue the process together because communal grief is a beautiful part of the Body that we often miss out on I think. I truly hope that as we move forward we can see together how our tears are changed to joy in the hands of our Abba, and that when the tears still fall many years from now we can cry and hurt together again while at the same time rejoicing in the wounds that grace and love have healed.
I guess I went pretty deep from my initial excitement of my playdate with Abby. I didn't know I was going there when I started writing but it merited writing about. I hope my leaf-collecting time with Abby is as special and monumental as it was with Laurs. :) I'm sure it will be in its own way. Happy Fall, friends!

22

My mom's status on facebook today reads, "vinte e dois anos atras eu encontrei um amendoim" which means "twenty-two years ago I found a peanut." its a family joke but basically, she calls me Peanut. She always has, I can't remember a time when she didn't. I didn't realize that it might even be a little bit odd until I was 20 or so and my brother-in-law looked at me confused and said, "what did she cal you?" I don't mind, its never been embarrassing. Anyways, all that to say that I turned 22 today. Everyone made much too big a deal of it, I got publicly humiliated more than enough times, thanks guys. :) But, I feel incredibly loved, and thats a blessing. Its first birthday I have actually felt older.Not necessarily since yesterday when I was a mere 21 years of age but just thinking back to last year at this time. It is also the first year that people over the age of 10 have told me that I am old and legitimately meant it. Granted, the people that told me that are only one or two years younger than me but still. I'm sure my sisters will give me grief for this but thats ok. My oldest sister, Christine, was married with two kids at my age and Angela was just getting married i think. So strange to think of. I'm a senior in college with very little idea what I want to do with my life. I mean, I have some thoughts and ideas but nothing too concrete. But I'm ok with that for now. Its keeping me in the present and I'm grateful.