the day in review

I had a pretty normal day at work, lots of random jobs which keeps me on my toes. For lunch I went to Jeremy and Julia's for one last lunch with Julia. Its Zoey's birthday today, crazy! She's a super sweet little one year old! love her! I had a great time making sandwiches and just talking with Julia, as always.

During the semester I had dinner every Thursday night with the girls from my RA small group, it was great and i always looked forward to it! Now that summer is here, a lot of us have left for the summer but there are still 6 of us here and we're still having dinner together on Thursdays. Its wonderful to be able to enjoy each others company without the stress of being in school. Its certainly better than the peanut butter sandwich I would have eaten.

After small group dinner I headed to Jake and Sarah's for Bible Study. I've been meeting with these four girls since February. Tonight, Sarah started reflecting on how much each of us has changed over the last few months. Its really true and its super encouraging to be able to live life with them, see how God has been faithful and see how much He has changed us.

Now, I'm sitting here in Steph's apartment just chillin. im gonna miss this apartment. and the company. :)

a surprise!!!

Allie is here!!! She got stuck at O'Hare for the night so I got to go pick her up and she's spending the night! Love it! SO excited just to see her for a few hours!!

the memoir

i think my favorite kind of writing to read is Memoir. I'm reading a memoir called Thin Places by Mary DeMuth right now and while I don't particularly think all of it is well-written or pieced together, I am almost glad. It's real.

Memoir gives you a glimpse into someone else's life. Sometimes, the author relays thoughts and experiences in such a way that free you because she (or he) has just put into words something that you have felt or thought or experienced but couldn't, for whatever the reason, put words to. Other times it gives you insight to situations that you, save for through the reading of this person's story, could never understand because your experiences have worked out differently.

That is how this memoir has been for me. Mary tells her life story which is spattered with sexual abuse and secrets that no little girl, or adult girl for that matter, should have to keep. Her story is accompanied by painful lessons God's taught her along the way. I benefit from reading her story because through her words I can learn things about God, see facets of His grace, through eyes which I otherwise could not. It helps me understand some of the pain (and the redemption) that those, even those i love dearly, have and are experiencing having faced abuse.

On a slightly different note, in Bible Study on thursday we talked about Biblical hope. It was defined as anxious anticipation or expectation. How different is that than the idea of hope that we're often handed, that which says it is a whimsical wish, "hoping" to win a large sum of money, or to be a princess when i grow up. Instead of riches or fame, I dare to hope, to eagerly anticipate and expect the Lord to do great, unspeakable things as I enter into this new season, and really, in the rest of my time on earth.

migraine

I went to bed with a migraine last night. And then I stayed in bed most of the day with a migraine today. Not fun at all. But, I took a nap and then came over to Jake and Sarah's where they gave me meds and fed me. I'm feeling much better. I think I really needed the sleep but the company helped to. :) Melissa is over here now too and we're just chilin. These times are my favorite. love them! I'll get to spend a significant amount of time with them tomorrow too! Thats all I got for today, folks. Goodnight!

it all started with the onions

Sadness hit me somewhat unexpectedly and quite forcefully today. The realities of graduation and leaving and goodbyes are settling in slowly as I continue to say goodbyes and experience "lasts" over the next couple weeks. On the one hand, its nice to have more time to spend here and to be able to say goodbye little by little. On the other hand, however, I wish it was more like a bandaid: I could brace myself, rip it off all at once and then move on. But, for now, I'm here slowly saying goodbye and transitioning like a normal person i guess.

I didn't anticipate them, but tears found me today. I sort of felt them accumulating all day but didn't think they would actually make an appearance. Then, while making dinner with Steph, I was cutting onions. The tears that the onions brought just kept flowing for quite a while. I ate dinner with dear girls from my RA small group and then headed to Bible Study. Thats where it really hit me. I've had the joy of FINALLY living near to Sarah for the last two years and its really heart wrenching to think about leaving that. In her precious and totally unique Sarah way she got up, grabbed the tissues and sat next to me cuddled on the couch and we just kept watching Beth Moore on the screen (today's video and lesson were pretty great, by the way. Ask me about it some time).

After Bible Study, I drove home in silence and cried some more. Emily was still up so we got to chat a bit before she went to bed. Its just me again now. But, Laurie's wind chimes are clinging outside: a beautiful, peaceful, comforting sound for my tousled heart.

my little office on the 10th floor of Crowell Hall

I really love my job. Its come to my attention that back in October or November when I got my job, I apparently didn't tell a lot of important people exactly what it was I would be doing. Sorry to all those of you that includes (this may unveil a certain measure of narcissism, assuming people actually want and do read this...I'll work on that).

Anyways, I love my job. I'm an office assistant for a program on Moody Radio called Midday Connection. Most of my time is spent answering emails that the show receives. The questions range from "Who was the guest on the show today?" to pleas for help with depression, loneliness, marriage problems, parenting problems, etc. The latter types of questions I feel ridiculously inadequate to even attempt to answer. A lot of times I point them to resources that have just been talked about on our show. However, there are times when that seems extremely insufficient. I don't usually know quite what to do but I do my best to give people a little bit of encouragement, to pray for them as I read their emails and reply to them, and, when possible, speak a little bit of truth to them.

Back to why I love it. I love it because people are honest. They gain nothing from shooting us an email (well, we do a ton of giveaways but generally, they have no intention of getting anything when they write). People write telling us what they've liked, what they haven't liked, and - what I love most- they tell us a piece of their story, sometimes that piece is a victorious one, sometimes a broken one. I feel privileged to read them and to try my hand at helping them as I reply.

This hasn't been the profoundest of thoughts but I am blessed to like my job so much.

call me a vagabond and feed me leftovers

I moved out of the dorms on Sunday and since then I have felt like a vagabond. I'm staying with some of my besties in their apartment in Logan Square-its really nice of them to let me stay with them. My junk is currently all over their living room. On Sunday after I loaded Elsa's car with my remaining stuff, I was so incredibly exhausted because of a week of very little sleep. With nowhere to take a nap, I layed down in Dryer Lawn on Moody's campus for a little bit before calling a friend to ask if I could crash on her couch. She and her husband had already invited me over to their house for dinner so it worked out nicely. I absolutely LOVED their invitation...they invited me over to eat leftovers with them, that's the mark of true friendship, being comfortable enough to invite me over to eat leftovers with them! I'm sure living out of a suitcase will get old pretty soon but I like it for now.

a really long week.

Wow what a full week. I've finished college, graduated, did 29 room checks on my floor, moved, said goodbye to too many people, visited with my family, cleaned my floor and most recently parallel parked for the first time. :) I was on campus today after moving out of my room and it was an incredibly strange feeling to walk around realizing that I no longer live there.

Kyhl asked me the other day what one piece of advice or wisdom I would wish to leave with the girls on my floor. I replied that I would plead with them to beg for truth. It seems that most of the problems I've faced or heard about come as a result of believing lies about myself and my identity. It is amazing how different things can look when I see them through the blood of Christ. I am affected less by people mocking me when I realize that I am defined only by my position in Christ, which is all a result of His work, not mine.

A couple pictures of graduation:

its over.

Well, I just finished my last assignment which means I'm officially DONE with college. I walk across the stage in my funny get up on Saturday to receive my diploma case. CRAZY! I don't have a ton of profound thoughts to tell you. I've been packing all day and now I'm off to do tonight's room checks on my floor!

thirteen great things about today

[in no particular order]

1. affirming and encouraging brunch with Res Life, people I've grown to love and appreciate deeply.
2. cards on sale at Paper Source
3. 1/2 price frapuccinos and catching up with Julia
4. reading books to Zoey
5. the smell of Barnes and Noble and my spontaneous trip there with Amy.
6. making a birthday present
7. Cheesecake Factory with Elsa
8. drinking my morning coffee while talking with Siri and Laura
9. wearing Laura's clothes
10. watching 24 with Amy and Stephanie
11. taking a walk with Kyhl.
12. Erin and Abby tiptoeing into my room super excited to show me a picture on facebook.
13. eating a few of Rachael's salt and vinegar chips.

shout outs

First shout out of the day goes to my mom!!!! Its mothers' day so I think its only appropriate. If you don't know my mom, you're missing out. She's amazing. I love you mom!!



The second shout out goes to my family dinner friends. For the last two years my friends Jake and Sarah Hering have hosted about 10-15 people at their apartment for dinner on Sunday nights. The point is hospitality and fellowship and the result has been this great group of people who have become like family to me. I've known Jake and Sarah since Jr. High and am continually astounded when I stop to think that they're now some of my closest friends. This was our last officially family dinner because a lot of us are graduating and moving away. It was bittersweet. It was lots of fun but incredibly sad to think that its over. I've learned so much about giving without expecting in return and about hospitality in love from Jake and Sarah and our family dinners. These are priceless things that I'll carry with me in ministry in the future.

the weight of final moments

Well, I've failed, apparently. My goal was to blog every day this month and I've missed the last 3. Oh well, I'll keep trying! Hopefully those will be the only three days I miss.

Everything seems sweeter in this time. Every conversation, interaction seems to hold so much more weight to it as i count down the days until I'm done with my time at Moody. It is weird. Chicago feels (yes, Jake, feels...you can't argue with me:))like it has become my city. I'm actually really glad that I have a few weeks to enjoy it after school and before moving. I just wish more of the people I love and care about were staying around for those few weeks too. On the other hand, the goodbyes can't go on forever so I guess the somewhat gradualness is nice, significantly less heart wrenching than if it were all crashing in at once.

There are a lot of little things I have to do before I move... and a lot of big things I suppose. Things like change my address with every institution that needs my address. Get a new cell phone (the most recent digression of my cell phone is that the "0" key has to be pressed about 5 times before it will take...). sift through and pack all of the junk I've accumulated over the last four years. graduate from college. check the girls off my floor. clean my floor. decide which boxes I'm throwing away, which I'm storing at my sister's house and which I'm hauling out to PA. I'll stop boring you with the details. All these things and all I want to do is be with people. and sleep... i really want to sleep. But mostly I want to be with people. Should make for an interesting week. My parents get here on Tuesday. Thats only three days away.

i am the world's best procrastinator

so, I'm not "really" blogging tonight...Below are picture of why. I'm writing a term paper thats due tomorrow. I'm a little behind; note the stack of commentaries on my desk. Anyways, I hope you have a good night's sleep...

until i'm consumed by His tanglible glory and presence

I'm in a place of life where things seem to be changing a lot lately. I'm in the last week of classes of my college career. New and exciting things are happening with even more on the horizon for the next year. I've been thinking lately about how easy it is to cling to things and define myself by them (the people around me, my possessions, my talents, my creativity)when in reality those things don't and shouldn't define me. Any good in them is simply a reflection of the One who does define me.

Earlier this school year we sang a song at church that I'm adopting as my prayer. Because despite the many wonderful things in my life, I want none of them to define me only Christ. But here's the thing: I don't usually live like that. Though on my better days I'm more convinced of that desire, I know that I get sucked into lesser things all the time. Thus, it will be my prayer until I'm consumed in His tangible glory and presence.

Everything by Tim Hughes

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything

my new pen pal...to be

This is Katelyn. She is currently my sister RA here at Moody. It has been a great year working with her, getting to know her, and enjoying precious friendship with her. She is beautiful(inside and out), deep, fun, hilarious and really thoughtful. She's been especially encouraging this past week and its warmed my heart.

She came to church with me this morning and we got to talk about life, real life: our families, our thoughts, quirks, potential pit falls, coffee, the list goes on. Then, we got to worship together. There are few things that bring you into deep relationship with someone like worshiping with them. I especially love singing when she is sitting next to me because God has given her an amazing voice and she loves to praise Him with it.

A couple weeks ago, Katelyn and I decided that when I leave, we're going to become pen pals. I'm really excited. Its been quite a while since I've had a pen pal. I'm also hoping that this pseudo public announcement of our arrangement will hold me somewhat accountable to actually making it happen. :)

graduation and new years resolutions

My graduation cap and gown have been staring back at me for about two weeks now.I hung them from the phone in my bed room (i live in a college dorm, remember?...the cramming it would have taken to hang it in the closet would have made it even more wrinkled)hoping that four weeks is enough time for the wrinkles to shake out so I don't have to iron my gown two weeks from now when I walk across the stage at Moody Church. It seems that people have already started saying goodbye and I've gotten my "what I'm doing after graduation" spiel down to a succinct 30 seconds or so. Its so strange, getting ready to leave this place. I've got a little bit of homework left to do, sometimes I think about the papers and projects in between the bridal showers, impromptu parties, coffee dates,and figuring out what on earth I am going to do with all my stuff.

Its May 1,2010, a new month! Here is why that is significant: I'm not typically a new year's resolution kind of girl, but this year I decided to piggy back off of my sister's new years resolution to give up something different each month. I'm tweaking it a bit and broadening it to either abstaining from something different or adding something different to my life each month. So far, I've "given up" things. January was listening to secular music in my room; February was facebook; March was french fries and potato chips; April was coffee. My success each month has varied. :) Why am I doing this? I keep asking myself that same question. I guess there are a few reasons. One reason is simply discipline and self control. I wouldn't say that discipline is one of my greatest strengths and I want to grow in it. Another reason is the same reason that many people (mostly for "religious" reasons) fast. I really enjoy the things I've "fasted" from so far. So, when I abstain from them, there is something in me that misses them, that "hungers" for them. I want to hunger for Jesus like that. I want to know that anxious longing in the pit of my stomach when I haven't thought of or spent time with Jesus. Wouldn't it be interesting if, like the first week or so without coffee, I had a headache when I hadn't carved out time for just me and the Lord? Maybe its more a "soul-ache."

Anyways, all of the above to say, that this month, my goal is to blog every day. I have no idea what I am going to blog about for the next 30 days. It should be interesting, and probably boring. But, nonetheless, here we go! Please be gracious if I miss a day. My purpose is not to stress myself out or condemn myself with this resolution, just to think about my life a little bit more; writing about it helps me think. So, here we go! I'm sure the posts will vary in content and length; I can't promise they will be exciting, entertaining or interesting, so continue reading at your own risk. I probably picked the least convenient time to do this. I'll be ending the semester and moving and questioning my sanity on multiple occasions, I'm sure. I think that's all the more reason to do this now, though. I need to take time to stop and think if I'm going to make it out in one piece.

I'm going to leave you with my most recent favorite picture. My adorable niece and my dad...who are we kidding? He's pretty adorable in the picture too. :)



It should be noted that I stole this picture from my sister's facebook. Thanks, Ange!