Enraging hell

"It is the image of God reflected in you that so enrages hell; it is this at which the demons hurl their mightiest weapons."
-William Gurnall
(quoted by John Eldridge in Waking the Dead)

I'm in Portugal!!!

Well, I made it! My flight went really well. But, I was kinda surprised/ dissapointed. After my last post I continued thinking about who I would sit next to, what I would say. So, imagine my enthusiasm as I borded the first plane from chicago to London. Well, at the ticket desk after we checked our 7 HUGE suitcases ( only one was over the weight limit which trust me, is really amazing!) after that, the stewardess handed us our tickets and said that we had been bumped up to business class. Pretty cool, my dad and I were plating it cool not getting our hopes up because on alot of planes business class is pretty much the same as economy. My mom, however was convinced we were going to be treated like royalty.So, we boarded the plane and we walked down the aisle to our seats. My first thought was," this can't be right, we went the wrong way" So I double checked the row and seat numbers. Surely enough, my mom was right, we got to be in the nice sleeper chair things. It was pretty cool, but on one side of me was my mom and the other the a oretty wide aisle seperating me from the person on the other side that i couldntreally see because of the way the seats were situated. " Ok God, thanks for the nice seat, but that wasn't what I had in mind when I thought you might have something MORE for me. But you know, I'm not complaining." Then I thought, well I still have one more flight left. On that one however, true to my fleshly desire in my last post, I sat next to the window and my mom.I walked of of the plane not really knowing what to think, and I still don't really. I had been mentaly and spiritually preparing to share Christ with someone on that plane. Instead I lay awake while the rest of the cabin slept soundly for 7 hours.
The other aspects of my flight went well. WE got here safely, all of our luggage got here. We were delayed in London because of some rain but when we got here we had all of our bags and were out of the terminal in a matter of about 20 minutes, which for the Lisbon airport is a miracle.I was greeted by great friends, "cousins" "aunts" and "uncles". It is really good to be back. I went out to coffee with a good friend of mine yesterday andgot to hear how God has change him this summer it was amazing! God has given us both such passion for our God and such a burden as student leaders in our shool to pass that passion on to others, especially as it is our last year. We don't to leave with no one to step up. God spread your passion to the souls of those at GLCA! My heart yearns for the them to grasp your plan for their lives!! To you in DesMoines I miss you so much! Pass mygreeting on to everyone! I am excited to hear about IRS and how the school year is going! I a m praying for you!!!

What if God has something bigger?

Well, only a few hours before I board a plane and fly to London! I am excited beyond belief and nervous and sad and everything all mixed together. Last night I lay in bed for quite a while no where close to sleep, but instead, lost in about a million different thoughts. I'll just briefly share one. Counting sheep has never appealed to me, so as I lay there, restless, my thoughts turned to my upcoming flight. We're flying british air so i dont have much to complain about. I thought about what possible movies I would have to entertain me, how much sleep I'd get(usually i get about 10 minutes.... yeah that makes jet leg rough....) and what I could do to just make the ride as uneventful and fast as possible. Then I changed gears, What if God has something bigger than stupid movies, cds, and boring rem cycles? Who will I sit next to for 8 hours on this plane? What do I have that they need? well the answer to that question is obvious, GOD!!! I will admit I am scared, a part of me just hopes I will be sitting next to the window with my parents on the other side of me. And then there is the whole thought process of, what if I speak up and they dont want to hear what I have just told them and they get mad and I ruin their whole flight?!?!? And I STILL have to sit next to them for 7 and a half hours! But, I realize now that I am more awake and less emotional, it is far better to share the gift of life with them and ruin their plane ride than to not share it with them and possibly ruin their life. Pray for me! I don't want to be pushy but I want to share! God is the best thing in my life! and He precious enough to me that I want to be able to say," I cannot help speaking about what I have seen and heard and experienced!!!!"

second guessing?

Ok, I'm not really second guessing anything, I know what I need to do, have to do. I know it essential to my life as a Christian. But I definitely need prayer. As I have been sitting in the hotel last night and this morning, my mind has been racing. I have been thinking about my life when I go back to Portugal. I know that , due to the changes in my heart, my life can't look the same as it did when I left. There are certain changes I need to make. I am excited, very excited, but worries also fill my mind. such as " What if nothing happens as a result of the actions I take?" "What if no one gives a care about what I have to say?" I also know that living among the lost means cutting down on the time I am with my Christians friends. Not abandoning them completely, but I know that I won't be with them as much, which is going to be good. But I am going to miss it so much. I am so used to being surrounded by Christian fellowship. And I guess I should feel "prepared" or something. I don't know, but what if my friends don't understand what I am doing? And I guess a large part of me just doesn't want to give up being with my friends all the time and knowing what goes on, being there ect. Still, somewhere inside I know and I'm excited about what the journey holds. My heart is raging in battle with my flesh. God, I want to be a useful vessle, whatever You need to do, however much You need to take away, do it. I want to be Your light. I'm scared and nervous and I know that I need You to live through me.

leavin' on a jet plane...

Well, tomorrow morning I am riding with my parents to Chicago, where I will visit with my sister and bro-in-law, see a close friend, and then head off to Portugal. I have said alot of goodbyes the past week or so. Its interesting how a few years ago I kinda assumed that all the goodbyes and culture shocks and adjustments would get easier the longer I dealt with them. Yet, here I am four years later and none of these things have gotten any easier.In fact, if I were to be honest I would have to say that they have only become increasingly difficult and heart-wrenching. But there is one difference I can think of, that being I know now beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is worth it. There will be times when I will cry myself to sleep, but thats ok. It hurts, its hard, its difficult, but thats ok. It doesn't matter in the long run. Not to say that you, my friends, family, people I love dearly don't matter to me, you do greatly! But that is why I need to leave. If I were to stay it would be far worse,I would be choosing my desires, not God's.I am not afraid to leave because I know that I am continuing on a journey with my Creator, and it is the best thing in this world. To be by His side and follow His leading means more to me than enjoying the company of dear friends at Tarriccinos, or seeing the bright faces of Rylan and Elaina and Luis. I can't explain in words the paradox of it all. But the best I can do to explain this "eccentricity" is to say that I love my Lord, my Abba, more than I love my life. And I don't say such things self-righteously.I say them simply to let you know that i don't look forward to leaving because I don't love you, but I need you to know that I love God more. I will be praying for you as I cross the ocean, I will be fighting similar battles to the ones you face here. Many of you from youth group have said that things won't be the same without me, I just want to say that this summer has been amazing. Not because of me, but because of God. Its such a privilege to be His vessle as one of His childrem. But it doesn't take an MK from Portugal to be God's vessle. I urge you all to embrace God's story, to let go of your own.Change the youthgroup, change your schools, your neighborhoods your sports teams. You have the power to do it! He lives within you! Live "radical" lives. I guarentee you won't regret it. I love you all so very much! Thankyou for blessing my life this summer!!God, thankyou for uprooting my life so many years ago and "re-rooting" it in You. I want to bless You with my life, I want to bring You glory and honor in every single thing that I do. I want to know what it means to live and to die for You. Magnify yourself through me.
Friends, thanks for all the memories, I cherish them. I will try to keep in touch, though I can't make any promises! Please pray for me this school year with everything. Pray that I will change the way I live and not be afraid to do so. Worry is one of my greatest weaknesses, pray that Satan won't use it to eat me into backing down. Know that you are in my prayers! let me know how you are doing!
with love, charity joy

starting out

well, first, let me say i think I like this alot better than xanga. However, having two blogs could get a little confusing and overwhelming. Anyways, I basicly made this because I wanted to comment on Fry's. But being as I like it better, mayber I'll keep it up or just post the same thing here as on xanga.... we shall see!