Engaging Culture

Well, I have a few minutes before my house is filled with excited single teachers for whats been named, "Jack Bauer" night. They come over every Tuesday night to watch 24 with my parents. Its been so amazing being back home for a couple weeks. I can't even explain how liberating its been. I think I reached a place at school where I just let myself get so busy and somewhat cynical about being there. Time away has been good. I've had tons of time to reflect on what exactly I'm doing and why. I'm reading through Romans and its been phenomonal (sp?). To read the words of Paul to the struggling Romans. I feel like I am right there with them sometimes. I've become so concerned with meeting the invisible expectations of school, church, ministry, and spirituality that I lost sight of what it was all about. I'm at Bible College but that doesn't mean I'm perfect or even that I have to pretend I am. Its liberating to remember that. As I've been able to look back over the semester I've seen how little by little, I let my passions slip by. Somewhere along the line I became apathetic, I turned down the volume of my heart beat for the lost and broken so much that I stopped hearing it at all. I stopped seeking hope, I stopped pursuing, I stopped feeling for those around me. But over the last couple weeks I've been thinking again about the people around me. I've noticed things about them, how they react, what they value,etc. I have this goal of being a student of people, and in talking to my mom about it I realized that though I strive for it to be a good thing, there is also a flip side. For, in being a student of people, it can quickly become being a judge of people, silently condemning them with my secret thoughts and assumptions. Being a student of people can easily be born out of selfish reasons, corrupt motives. I don't want to be a student of people for my sake and I don't want it to become about the people themselves or meeting their needs either. Though both are great things, I think they remain great only if they stream from a river that flows to and from the heart of God for His glory. I don't want to serve those around me to serve them, I want to serve them because I am ultimately serving Christ. I see all this in the Apostle Paul in Acts 17. He speaks of becoming all things to all people, he engaged and studied the culture of the region he was in. His reason? So that he could affectively proclaim the message of the truth of God to the people. I want to engage my culture in such a way. I don't want to withdraw from it, I don't want to integrate into it, but I want to engage it and be a student of my culture and the people in it.
1 Corinthians 9:19 "This means I am not bound to obey people just because they pay me, yet I have become a servant of everyone so that I can bring them to Christ..."

A Dollar Multiplied

He placed a cd in the holder attached to the sun visor above his seat and a single dollar bill fell to his lap. In his unique “Tobias” way he looked at me in the rear-view mirror and handed the bill to the backseat into my hand.
“Watch God multiply this,” he said with a slight grin.
At first I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not but then he proceeded with his story.
“God will provide. He will multiple that dollar and will meet all your needs. He always has, He has promised to and He will never go back on His word.”
My sister chimed in with more words of encouragement, “ It won’t always be easy, you won’t understand how He will provide, but He will. You have to believe and pray in faith that He will. You need to give your tithe at the beginning of the month with trust that He will make ends meet when the last few days roll around.

Since that car ride on the way to Target, God has provided and multiplied that dollar in ways I couldn’t even have begun to imagine. Two jobs fell into my lap at the beginning of the semester. I was hired at New Balance and by a psychologist who was paying me $20 an hour, an amazing blessing, an incomprehensible demonstration of the provision of the Father.

Not long after, I quit the better paying job because it was stressing me out and causing anxiety that I could not continue living in. I wasn’t sure if my hours at New Balance would be enough to pay my bills but I knew I couldn’t keep the other job. I quit, while at the same time asking God what on earth I was doing. My heart was full of doubts and questions that I felt horrible for asking but was unable to forget.

My birthday came a few days later and I received cards and gifts from family and friends. A couple days after my actual birthday, I found a check in my mailbox from some close family friends. God was reminding me once again in my moments of doubt and questioning that He is Jehovah Jireh- the Lord who provides.

As I continued to work at New Balance, I got steady hours and was making enough to keep up with my school bill and other expenses. Not only was it a job that was paying my bills, it was a job I greatly enjoyed. I have grown to love the people with whom I work. They look out for me and treat me with great care and respect. They have all become treasured friends.

By the time thanksgiving break rolled around I was more than ready to get off campus and away from the hectic juggling of school, work, ministry, church etc. I waited anxiously to find out if I had the time off work or if I would be staying on campus to work. I could have used the money, but wanted so badly to go to Iowa and be with my family. I got the days off, and my gracious boss gave all his employees a $25 gift card to Jewel, a definite blessing for a college student!

As I made plans for Thanksgiving, the question came up of how I was going to get from Chicago to Des Moines, Iowa. There was a train I could take, but I really didn’t want to fork out $75, not to mention the fact that I didn’t really have it to dish out. But once again, the Lord provided. One of my friends told me he was going to Des Moines to be with his host family and was getting a ride with one of his buddies who lives there. He said they might have an extra seat if I needed a ride. A week later I was stopping with them at the World’s Largest Truck Stop on Interstate 80.

I came back to school after Thanksgiving Break and went back to working and preparing for finals. I had already made my December payment before going on holiday, anticipating shopping with my sister the day after Thanksgiving for some much needed winter clothes.

In the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas Break, things got slower and slower at New Balance. Not many people want to buy running gear in the winter. With fewer customers, we all received a few less hours each week. I started wondering how on earth I was going to make my January payment for school, but God remained faithful. I made little payments slowly throughout the month of December toward my January bill. On my last day of work before heading out for the holidays, I walked in to the store and my manager handed me a card. “I was instructed to give this to you,” he said. I was surprised by his formality, because things are pretty laid back, we are all somewhat like a family. I wasn’t going to open it right then, but at my co-workers’ urging, I tore at the envelope. I pulled out the card and opened it. As I did I am pretty sure my jaw dropped. It was from the owner of the store, whom I have only met once and talked to over the phone on occasion. In the card was a $50 bill: a generous Christmas gift from him and his wife. There was no particular reason they gave it to me, and it wasn’t something they were doing for everyone. But it made it possible for me to put more money towards my school bill without completely draining my account. When I called to tell my mom, she informed me that she and my dad wanted to finish whatever was lacking for January.

For break, I have spent time with two precious families who have gone above and beyond “hospitality.” I visited some of the most gracious people I have ever met in Oklahoma and they took me in and showered love, blessings, and wisdom on me. Now, I am here in Iowa with my sister Christine and her husband Jason and the two cutest kids in the world. I cannot become to express how much they have done for me. It is beyond words. I feel so unworthy yet so grateful. It was a privilege to be with this part of my family for Christmas this year, it has been a while. They have willingly opened their home and shared their groceries and resources with me. It is a gift I will never be able to repay. They know that full well and have shared with me none the less, in the spirit of true generosity and love.

God has taught me over and over again, that whether I have much or little money, I need to be generous with what He has given me. I am learning the fine line between giving generously even when I don’t know where the next check will come from and foolishly managing my money. The important thing to know is that the money isn’t mine, it is God’s. Just like He has used so many people to help meet my needs, so He wants to use me to help meet the needs of others. He has blessed my life tremendously, providing for my every need and I am disappointing Him if I do not in turn bless others with His abundant grace.

Matthew 6:31-34 (NLT)

“So don’t worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

living

I am determined to live more this semester. No, this isn't a new years resolution, though I am realizing how it sounds like one. But I have been reflecting on the past semester and realized how little I lived or at least how little I let myself enjoy life. Through transitions and changes and personal stuff, I got really bogged down by, well, myself, I guess. I want to live, not merely survive. I want to breathe deeply, not gasp for air. I want to swim not simply keep my head above water.

questions...

Sometimes I wonder, am I finding myself, or losing myself? More often than not, I feel like I am discovering who I am not, and not who I am.
So, here I sit tonight wondering, "Who am I?" "What am I doing?" "Where am I going?"

Peace on earth...

Christmas Decorations are going up everywhere! It is so exciting! Starbucks, caribou, even Joe's (Moody's campus coffee shop) have their holiday drinks. Green and Red seem to have taken over. The lighting of Michigan Avenue was last night, I wasn't there but I hear it was pretty. The weather is getting colder, I'm not sure I'm ready for winter. haha In fact, I know I'm not. I still need a winter coat and according to my colleagues, I need a good pair of boots to survive the snow drifts and bitter cold. The holiday spirit is somewhat comforting, I can't wait until next Wednesday when I'll be on my way to Iowa and I will be able to sit in front of the fire place with my sister, brother-in-law and my adorable little niece and nephew!
This "warm-spirited" time of year always makes me think and reflect. I have been in the States now for four months! Its crazy! On one hand, it seems like I have been here for merely months, on the other hand it is hard at times to recall life before Moody. I find myself amazed each day when I think about where God has taken me and what He has allowed me to experience. All this is summed up in a melting pot of feelings when I think about the possibilities of what God has in store for me in the coming weeks, months, and years. Sometimes it scares me, fear of the unknown. Other times, it frustrates me, I have a hard time walking into "darkness"-moving forward not knowing where I am going. Over all though, I think I am pretty excited to see how God continues to mold and shape me. I've learned a lot about myself over the last four months, the main thing being that I didn't know myself half as well as I thought I did. It is so easy to let myself be defined by the people I hang out with, the clothes I wear, the style of my hair, the books I read, the things I believe. It is a daily struggle of mine to remind myself that none of these things define me, the only thing that does is Christ.
This post is pretty pointless as far as any deep and though provoking statements, its a simple summary of my random thoughts. :) May the peace of Christ fill you. Don't settle for the fake "peace of the season." Mint Mochas, Eggnog lattes, ambiance lighting, the relational closeness that seems to come around this time of year may all leave you warm and fuzzy on the inside, but I guarantee that all those feelings will fade away in a short time. Instead. Let us seek the only peace that lasts, a peace that surpasses all understanding, the peace of Christ.
blessings to you all,
charity joy

I just got back from a retreat with my school at Palavra da Vida! It went really really well. Going into it, I wasn't quite sure I wanted to be going, I was a little apprehensiven to say the least. But, I think it ended up being a great time. We did alot of different things, from extreme sports, confidence courses, team building activites, and we heard from a group of young college students that came to share with us. The college team was great and I think they really helped make the retreat. It was great to interact with new people and learn from them as well. Though, I must say that I learned and reflected most on the times spent out in the nature and on the courses that we worked through. As we had to work as a team for the different things, my mind kept racing back the body of Christ and the idea of the Church. I talked with some girls in the dorm for a few hours about the modern church and our role in today's culture.... amazing time of talking and thinking and sharing together! I think it is times like those that challange us and spur us on. I think we grow as Christians, not only through personal study and time with God, but through community and through sharing our ideas with other people, testing what other people tell us, and thinking about it and together going to scripture and reflecting on the things of our present world. We were challanged today by an MK from Turkey, to not waste our last years in Portugal. He challanged us to make the most of the "now" that we have, because before too long, we will be leaving. He presented us with the challange to step up and set our fears aside, to tell our friends about God, because we have something they need to hear. And I think that as much as we need to tell them for their sake, to offer them something they need that we have, I think we need to tell them for ourselves as well. I think that we are missing out on part of the life God intended us to live until we share what we have with those who need it. And I'm not talking about physical needs, though that too is an amazing ministry. But it goes deeper as well. We have the Water they thirst for, and we need to invite them to drink with us!

From Frustration to Love?

So, today was my first day of classes. It was......... weird? I feel so out of place sometimes. The whole atmosphere seems different, and somewhat shallow. Maybe things are just starting up and an "atmosphere" so to speak hasn't been established. I'm not sure. But I know one thing. I have changed so much and it is strange to be back because there are many that do not understand. I don't enjoy the same kind of conversations anymore. I sat at my lunch table today listening to some guys talk about a bunch of stuff, putting each other down and talking about how school is stupid and the things teachers say are stupid and suggesting not verbally but with their attitudes that God is pretty much stupid, or at least living for Him is. I sat there, not saying a word, but apparently my face revealed what I was thinking. They slightly "mocked" my point of view on things and then continued on talking about everything that they hate and everything they think is stupid in life. I so wish they knew that God is worth living for. I wish their idea of God was bigger, I long for them to know Christ so intimately and to love Him so much that they can't help but talk about Him and love each other. One of my first responses was to be angry and upset with them, frustrated to say the least. Then I thought back to the summer and remember the countless convos I've had with Kris and Sey and many others about how anger is not what they need. They do not need a piece of my mind, they already know what I think. They do not need to be told more about God, they have been hearing about Him since the day they were born. They need to discover God for themselves and long for Him and answer His call on their hearts. They need to realize the radically different life Christ has called us to and given us the freedom to live. But oh being angry and frustrated is so easy to do and so hard to combat. I know I view life differently than a lot of people at school, and its hard! I have no doubt in my mind that its worth it or that I should be doing it, but its hard and a somewhat lonely road as far as human companionship. Though I know that Christ is always in me and I rejoice in that. He is all I need... but I guess the question I have been asking myself all day is, how do I move from being so incredibly frustrated with them and their convos and the way the live to loving them immensely? I know that deep down in my heart I do love them, with Christ. I long for them to live for Something more. How do I show that love? What happens when they shove it back in my face? How do I respond?
God, soften and change hearts. Love through me, you've given me the power by living in me, awaken me to that power daily!

Have you ever felt really alone, even when you're surrounded by awesome wonderful people? Not necessarily physically alone, but alone in maybe where you stand or socially? I don't know how to explain it. I guess its just weird cuz people have their friends, and so many of mine have just left and will be gone the rest of the year. My closest friends are still, but sometime slightly distracted, which isn't bad, they have other relationships they need to tend to. I am just coming to a cross roads. I know that I am becoming ready to move on, but I still have one more year. _I am pumped and excited, I just feel slightly....alone. I talked to one of my friends on the phone for an hour today, it was beautiful. I miss her companionship, her loyal voice of reason and encouragement. Her ability to see straight into my heart. I guess thats what I miss....I miss my friends in Iowa too, you guys have no idea! Krisanna I can't wait for you to come! I love you lots and think of you all constantly! God, get me over my loneliness, help me be content with sharing my secrets with You! Make it my greatest desire to spend hours conversing with You!

Enraging hell

"It is the image of God reflected in you that so enrages hell; it is this at which the demons hurl their mightiest weapons."
-William Gurnall
(quoted by John Eldridge in Waking the Dead)

I'm in Portugal!!!

Well, I made it! My flight went really well. But, I was kinda surprised/ dissapointed. After my last post I continued thinking about who I would sit next to, what I would say. So, imagine my enthusiasm as I borded the first plane from chicago to London. Well, at the ticket desk after we checked our 7 HUGE suitcases ( only one was over the weight limit which trust me, is really amazing!) after that, the stewardess handed us our tickets and said that we had been bumped up to business class. Pretty cool, my dad and I were plating it cool not getting our hopes up because on alot of planes business class is pretty much the same as economy. My mom, however was convinced we were going to be treated like royalty.So, we boarded the plane and we walked down the aisle to our seats. My first thought was," this can't be right, we went the wrong way" So I double checked the row and seat numbers. Surely enough, my mom was right, we got to be in the nice sleeper chair things. It was pretty cool, but on one side of me was my mom and the other the a oretty wide aisle seperating me from the person on the other side that i couldntreally see because of the way the seats were situated. " Ok God, thanks for the nice seat, but that wasn't what I had in mind when I thought you might have something MORE for me. But you know, I'm not complaining." Then I thought, well I still have one more flight left. On that one however, true to my fleshly desire in my last post, I sat next to the window and my mom.I walked of of the plane not really knowing what to think, and I still don't really. I had been mentaly and spiritually preparing to share Christ with someone on that plane. Instead I lay awake while the rest of the cabin slept soundly for 7 hours.
The other aspects of my flight went well. WE got here safely, all of our luggage got here. We were delayed in London because of some rain but when we got here we had all of our bags and were out of the terminal in a matter of about 20 minutes, which for the Lisbon airport is a miracle.I was greeted by great friends, "cousins" "aunts" and "uncles". It is really good to be back. I went out to coffee with a good friend of mine yesterday andgot to hear how God has change him this summer it was amazing! God has given us both such passion for our God and such a burden as student leaders in our shool to pass that passion on to others, especially as it is our last year. We don't to leave with no one to step up. God spread your passion to the souls of those at GLCA! My heart yearns for the them to grasp your plan for their lives!! To you in DesMoines I miss you so much! Pass mygreeting on to everyone! I am excited to hear about IRS and how the school year is going! I a m praying for you!!!

What if God has something bigger?

Well, only a few hours before I board a plane and fly to London! I am excited beyond belief and nervous and sad and everything all mixed together. Last night I lay in bed for quite a while no where close to sleep, but instead, lost in about a million different thoughts. I'll just briefly share one. Counting sheep has never appealed to me, so as I lay there, restless, my thoughts turned to my upcoming flight. We're flying british air so i dont have much to complain about. I thought about what possible movies I would have to entertain me, how much sleep I'd get(usually i get about 10 minutes.... yeah that makes jet leg rough....) and what I could do to just make the ride as uneventful and fast as possible. Then I changed gears, What if God has something bigger than stupid movies, cds, and boring rem cycles? Who will I sit next to for 8 hours on this plane? What do I have that they need? well the answer to that question is obvious, GOD!!! I will admit I am scared, a part of me just hopes I will be sitting next to the window with my parents on the other side of me. And then there is the whole thought process of, what if I speak up and they dont want to hear what I have just told them and they get mad and I ruin their whole flight?!?!? And I STILL have to sit next to them for 7 and a half hours! But, I realize now that I am more awake and less emotional, it is far better to share the gift of life with them and ruin their plane ride than to not share it with them and possibly ruin their life. Pray for me! I don't want to be pushy but I want to share! God is the best thing in my life! and He precious enough to me that I want to be able to say," I cannot help speaking about what I have seen and heard and experienced!!!!"

second guessing?

Ok, I'm not really second guessing anything, I know what I need to do, have to do. I know it essential to my life as a Christian. But I definitely need prayer. As I have been sitting in the hotel last night and this morning, my mind has been racing. I have been thinking about my life when I go back to Portugal. I know that , due to the changes in my heart, my life can't look the same as it did when I left. There are certain changes I need to make. I am excited, very excited, but worries also fill my mind. such as " What if nothing happens as a result of the actions I take?" "What if no one gives a care about what I have to say?" I also know that living among the lost means cutting down on the time I am with my Christians friends. Not abandoning them completely, but I know that I won't be with them as much, which is going to be good. But I am going to miss it so much. I am so used to being surrounded by Christian fellowship. And I guess I should feel "prepared" or something. I don't know, but what if my friends don't understand what I am doing? And I guess a large part of me just doesn't want to give up being with my friends all the time and knowing what goes on, being there ect. Still, somewhere inside I know and I'm excited about what the journey holds. My heart is raging in battle with my flesh. God, I want to be a useful vessle, whatever You need to do, however much You need to take away, do it. I want to be Your light. I'm scared and nervous and I know that I need You to live through me.

leavin' on a jet plane...

Well, tomorrow morning I am riding with my parents to Chicago, where I will visit with my sister and bro-in-law, see a close friend, and then head off to Portugal. I have said alot of goodbyes the past week or so. Its interesting how a few years ago I kinda assumed that all the goodbyes and culture shocks and adjustments would get easier the longer I dealt with them. Yet, here I am four years later and none of these things have gotten any easier.In fact, if I were to be honest I would have to say that they have only become increasingly difficult and heart-wrenching. But there is one difference I can think of, that being I know now beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is worth it. There will be times when I will cry myself to sleep, but thats ok. It hurts, its hard, its difficult, but thats ok. It doesn't matter in the long run. Not to say that you, my friends, family, people I love dearly don't matter to me, you do greatly! But that is why I need to leave. If I were to stay it would be far worse,I would be choosing my desires, not God's.I am not afraid to leave because I know that I am continuing on a journey with my Creator, and it is the best thing in this world. To be by His side and follow His leading means more to me than enjoying the company of dear friends at Tarriccinos, or seeing the bright faces of Rylan and Elaina and Luis. I can't explain in words the paradox of it all. But the best I can do to explain this "eccentricity" is to say that I love my Lord, my Abba, more than I love my life. And I don't say such things self-righteously.I say them simply to let you know that i don't look forward to leaving because I don't love you, but I need you to know that I love God more. I will be praying for you as I cross the ocean, I will be fighting similar battles to the ones you face here. Many of you from youth group have said that things won't be the same without me, I just want to say that this summer has been amazing. Not because of me, but because of God. Its such a privilege to be His vessle as one of His childrem. But it doesn't take an MK from Portugal to be God's vessle. I urge you all to embrace God's story, to let go of your own.Change the youthgroup, change your schools, your neighborhoods your sports teams. You have the power to do it! He lives within you! Live "radical" lives. I guarentee you won't regret it. I love you all so very much! Thankyou for blessing my life this summer!!God, thankyou for uprooting my life so many years ago and "re-rooting" it in You. I want to bless You with my life, I want to bring You glory and honor in every single thing that I do. I want to know what it means to live and to die for You. Magnify yourself through me.
Friends, thanks for all the memories, I cherish them. I will try to keep in touch, though I can't make any promises! Please pray for me this school year with everything. Pray that I will change the way I live and not be afraid to do so. Worry is one of my greatest weaknesses, pray that Satan won't use it to eat me into backing down. Know that you are in my prayers! let me know how you are doing!
with love, charity joy

starting out

well, first, let me say i think I like this alot better than xanga. However, having two blogs could get a little confusing and overwhelming. Anyways, I basicly made this because I wanted to comment on Fry's. But being as I like it better, mayber I'll keep it up or just post the same thing here as on xanga.... we shall see!