the gospel misunderstood and internal processing

I participated in class discussion today. I'm not quite sure what came over me. Usually, I sit in my corner of the classroom, take in what everyone else is saying, mull it over in my head, maybe jot down a few of my personal thoughts on the subject in the margins of my notes; but I rarely, if ever, raise my hand and offer my opinions or input in class discussion. I've been evaluating why I never speak in class and I've attributed it to the fact that I'm an internal processor. I'm not too great at thinking on my feet. I'm definitely NOT a verbal processor and am quite comfortable with silence. This drives some of my friends crazy but I like to have a thought formulated before I speak it. This is not to say that I don't do my share of speaking before thinking but as far as the thoughts that I intentionally own by saying out loud, I like to make sure I want to own what I'm about to say. This has been a really long paragraph to say that I'm an internal processor... I digress.

We were talking in my Gospel of John class today about John 6 and the Bread of Life passage. In verses 28 and 29 Jesus talks to the people about what the "work of God" is. This led our discussion to the issue of works and faith and how we, as the Church, have misconstrued the idea of what it means to work for God. We talked about how we've limited it to ministry, doing things for the church,etc. As we were getting down to the root of what working for God is, my professor asked how we begin to bring our understanding of working for God back to being grounded in belief and faith. This is when I felt myself raise my hand. Thankfully my brain caught up with my hand in time and I talked about how it starts with our mindset: how we mentally, and in our hearts, approach the things we do and think. I suggested that there is great need of re-evaluating the things we do "for God" through the lense of the gospel.

I think, on some level, for the past 20 years of my life I have misunderstood the gospel. I have rarely thought (at least cognitively) that there was much use for it after conversation. This school year I've realized how dead wrong I've been. As a follower of God, a Jesus-lover and truth proclaimer, my life should be gospel-oriented. My friend Maureen is always asking me, "How does the gospel apply to this situation?" The gospel says that Jesus alone is the way for salvation. God looks at me and instead of seeing my sin, He sees Jesus. He sees that Jesus has paid my debt in FULL and I now owe nothing. There is so much freedom in that! That means that (getting back to working for God...) I can have this long list of things I "should" do and if I don't do them, nothing is different about my identity than if I had. God neither loves me more nor less. My works, or lack there of, do not make Him see more or less of Jesus when He looks my direction. That means, on one hand, there is beautiful and abundant grace when I fall short. That also means that I am compelled out of thankfulness and love for my Lord to do those things which please Him. But that list of things that I should do is so much less daunting (and less of a "working" mentality) when I recognize first that my identity is secure because of Jesus.

Apparently, I feel pretty strongly about these thoughts since I had the guts to speak up in class. I had plenty of pauses during which I regained my thoughts. I probably said more than I should. At one point one of my "somewhere between acquaintance and friend"s glanced back and shot me a "wow, you're still talking" look. Don't be holding your breath, it probably won't happen again for a while, but I figure its about time to show my professors what my voice sounds like. After all, this is my 8th semester here.

I'll leave you with a picture of where I was around this time my senior year of high school. Partially, I'm in a nostalgic mood and partially I am wishing I was back at this beach instead of watching it snow even more here in chicago. I'm totally over this whole snow thing.