the gospel misunderstood and internal processing

I participated in class discussion today. I'm not quite sure what came over me. Usually, I sit in my corner of the classroom, take in what everyone else is saying, mull it over in my head, maybe jot down a few of my personal thoughts on the subject in the margins of my notes; but I rarely, if ever, raise my hand and offer my opinions or input in class discussion. I've been evaluating why I never speak in class and I've attributed it to the fact that I'm an internal processor. I'm not too great at thinking on my feet. I'm definitely NOT a verbal processor and am quite comfortable with silence. This drives some of my friends crazy but I like to have a thought formulated before I speak it. This is not to say that I don't do my share of speaking before thinking but as far as the thoughts that I intentionally own by saying out loud, I like to make sure I want to own what I'm about to say. This has been a really long paragraph to say that I'm an internal processor... I digress.

We were talking in my Gospel of John class today about John 6 and the Bread of Life passage. In verses 28 and 29 Jesus talks to the people about what the "work of God" is. This led our discussion to the issue of works and faith and how we, as the Church, have misconstrued the idea of what it means to work for God. We talked about how we've limited it to ministry, doing things for the church,etc. As we were getting down to the root of what working for God is, my professor asked how we begin to bring our understanding of working for God back to being grounded in belief and faith. This is when I felt myself raise my hand. Thankfully my brain caught up with my hand in time and I talked about how it starts with our mindset: how we mentally, and in our hearts, approach the things we do and think. I suggested that there is great need of re-evaluating the things we do "for God" through the lense of the gospel.

I think, on some level, for the past 20 years of my life I have misunderstood the gospel. I have rarely thought (at least cognitively) that there was much use for it after conversation. This school year I've realized how dead wrong I've been. As a follower of God, a Jesus-lover and truth proclaimer, my life should be gospel-oriented. My friend Maureen is always asking me, "How does the gospel apply to this situation?" The gospel says that Jesus alone is the way for salvation. God looks at me and instead of seeing my sin, He sees Jesus. He sees that Jesus has paid my debt in FULL and I now owe nothing. There is so much freedom in that! That means that (getting back to working for God...) I can have this long list of things I "should" do and if I don't do them, nothing is different about my identity than if I had. God neither loves me more nor less. My works, or lack there of, do not make Him see more or less of Jesus when He looks my direction. That means, on one hand, there is beautiful and abundant grace when I fall short. That also means that I am compelled out of thankfulness and love for my Lord to do those things which please Him. But that list of things that I should do is so much less daunting (and less of a "working" mentality) when I recognize first that my identity is secure because of Jesus.

Apparently, I feel pretty strongly about these thoughts since I had the guts to speak up in class. I had plenty of pauses during which I regained my thoughts. I probably said more than I should. At one point one of my "somewhere between acquaintance and friend"s glanced back and shot me a "wow, you're still talking" look. Don't be holding your breath, it probably won't happen again for a while, but I figure its about time to show my professors what my voice sounds like. After all, this is my 8th semester here.

I'll leave you with a picture of where I was around this time my senior year of high school. Partially, I'm in a nostalgic mood and partially I am wishing I was back at this beach instead of watching it snow even more here in chicago. I'm totally over this whole snow thing.

flowers

i really love them. There are 3 bouquets on my coffee table right now all from dear dear friends.

one of the bouquets is daffodils, my personal favorite flower. Its my first bouquet of the season. They've all opened so quickly and fill my room with the sweetest aroma. Emily brought them today. Their bright and cheery presence is more than welcome. Em and I are planning a date to the botanical gardens sometime during daffodil season, hoping they will have another daffodil exhibit.

thanks dear friends for all your flowers and the love they represent. i am blessed.

snow magnets

Well, apparently, Holly and I are snow magnets. That is what I have decided to call us. We were supposed to travel to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania in December to talk through details of an internship we'll be starting together in June. However, Harrisburg received a huge snow storm that weekend and we got stuck in Cincinnati for eight hours before flying back to Chicago. I've been telling people we just flew to Cincinnati to eat Chic-Fil-A for lunch and Cinnabons for dinner. :) I think that maybe I just do that because it helps the memory become fonder and less frustrating than that particular weekend actually was. So, we rescheduled our trip for this weekend. We were supposed to leave on Saturday but our soon to be boss called on Thursday to see if we could make it out on Friday because they were expecting another huge snow storm on Friday night. After scrambling around for most of Thursday, we got it worked out. On Friday, we landed in the Baltimore Airport an hour and a half before they closed it through this afternoon. We got to watch a little less than two feet of snow fall like sparkling sugar from the sky and blanket South Western PA. Its beautiful.

Its been a decently productive weekend so far, despite getting snowed in on Saturday and having church get canceled on Sunday. Its been a mandatory break which, if you know anything about my life and schedule, is a really nice blessing. We woke up this morning to the reality that another snow storm is currently hitting Chicago. Our flight back is currently delayed by over 2 hours. We aren't holding our breath to make it out of here tonight. I've actually started laughing about it. Here's the funny part. The storm that is currently keeping us out of Chicago will soon be the storm that keeps us from leaving PA. Its supposed to start snowing here tomorrow afternoon as it leaves Chicago and continues through Wednesday. So, this weekend trip could quite possibly change into a week-long trip. We'll see what happens. For now, I'll keep checking Southwest's website every 20 minutes and laughing at the irony of it all. The great thing is that I'm surrounded by some amazing people who are more than hospitable and am traveling with a dear friend. I guess we're getting a head start on spending most of our time together (we'll be living and traveling and working together next year...). If it snows when we move here in June, I'll be seriously reconsidering. :)