I know, it has been almost a year since I blogged. I'm sure I could think up some creative excuses but I'll spare you. I decided today that I miss it, and I should just slip a post up. In addition, I decided to change the name of my blog and change the picture, etc. But, back to the name: "living in the now but not yet." This is a concept I've thought a tremendous amount about over the last three years or so, I think I've felt the weight of it for much longer. We talked at great lengths in my Theology of Suffering study at Moody about living in the tension of being a believer and living in this period where the kingdom of God has come but is still yet to come. At the time, I wanted so badly to understand that tension because I felt it so deeply but it seemed like the more I longed to understand the further from understanding it I became. It was incredibly frustrating and I chalked it up to one of those things that I just wouldn't understand this side of glory.
However, today we entered the Advent season and my church takes this period to slow down a little bit and tap into some great liturgy focusing on the expectancy of Christ's coming. My pastor went through the book of Matthew and explained this tension of the now but not yet in a way that helped me understand it in a deeper way than before. He talked about the coming of Christ and the ushering in of His kingdom in 3 lights: His first coming (His birth, becoming man followed by His eartly ministry, death and resurrection) His current reign in the hearts of believers, His presence and kingdom lived out through us on the earth (this is the tension, the
"now") and His future second coming when His perfect kingdom will be ushered in fully completely to stay forever on earth (the "not yet"). The constant thing I struggle with is how do I live in this "now" knowing that it is all building up to the "not yet" to come?
My conclusion: to actively wait, anticipate and long for that second coming, singing COME JESUS COME and pursuing His kingdom while I am blessed to experience life on this earth, as imperfect as it may be. What is the "active" part of "actively waiting....?" It is this: Matthew 25:35-40, "'For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me...Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'" Living in the now but not yet is living with the attitude, the overflow, the mission that Christ describes in these verses. In Matthew 5 He calls these the "poor in spirit." That is how I want to spend my time here on earth while I await the advent of Christ and the ushering in of His kingdom accompanied by shalom. But oh how often I forget and lose focus.
For more thoughts, prayers, and liturgy about Advent, visit this website my church is walking through: http://beautifuladvent.com/.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Monday, January 03, 2011
make you own buttons...
I am having fun planning my wedding and messing around with different ideas. The latest: customized buttons...Check out this site:
www.wackybuttons.com - Make your own pinback buttons online.
Enjoy!
www.wackybuttons.com - Make your own pinback buttons online.
Enjoy!
Monday, July 05, 2010
coming soon...
"why i love being an aunt"
[a three part series]
this will feature a bio of sorts of my nephew and two nieces which will include a favorite memory of each of them and most likely at least two pictures. seriously,i LOVE being an aunt. I hope to love being a mom some day but in the meantime, i think being an aunt is the BEST. ever. :) I'm excited to let you in on the lives of ry-guy (Rylan), ladybug (Elaina), and Ella bella (Gabriella).
[a three part series]
this will feature a bio of sorts of my nephew and two nieces which will include a favorite memory of each of them and most likely at least two pictures. seriously,i LOVE being an aunt. I hope to love being a mom some day but in the meantime, i think being an aunt is the BEST. ever. :) I'm excited to let you in on the lives of ry-guy (Rylan), ladybug (Elaina), and Ella bella (Gabriella).
Sunday, July 04, 2010
happy independence day (though my post has nothing to do with it...)
i miss chicago today. i guess i miss it a lot of days but especially on sundays. i miss the church i was attending in chicago, missio dei in wriggleyville. It is just such a unique group of believers, the body of Christ, growing together, seeking and waiting on the Lord together. I'm listening to the podcast as I write; Josh is a gifted pastor, led evidently by the Spirit, sensitive to the needs of the congregation, with an amazing conviction and gift of communicating the truth of God's word. i miss spending the afternoons with Jake and Sarah, falling asleep on their comfy sack. I miss family dinners at their place on Sunday nights. For the few weeks of the summer it was usually just me, Melissa and the Herings, such SWEET and PRECIOUS times. 
So, I miss Chicago, but I'm settling into life here in PA as well. Its definitely a different culture, things are done differently. Driving is always an adventure. People dress differently, talk differently, relate differently. I'm observing and learning and adapting. I went to a young adult picnic with a local church last night and then attended the church this morning. Its different than a church I've ever been a part of but it was a great morning. Gil and Denise Thomas (affectionately Uncle Gil and Aunt Denise to me, they were fellow missionaries with my parents while I was growing up in Portugal) invited me to come to the church today. They also teach the sunday school class that was at the picnic last night. I was warmly welcomed by numerous people. After church I had lunch with the Thomas family (Gil and Denise and two of their children,Andrea and her fiance and his family, Jon and his wife and adorable lil daughter). Its so great to be around them. I know they know and love and accept me. There is just something comforting about familiarity.
Its starting to sink in that I really picked up my whole life and just left Chicago to come here to a completely different life all together. haha I'm sure that sounds pretty obvious but the implications are all now coming to the surface and working their way into my mind and heart. Such implications are hard to swallow sometimes. Its easy to want to hold on to everything I had in chicago. God is slowly prying my finger away from my clenched fists and opening my hands to His leading. surrender.
So, I miss Chicago, but I'm settling into life here in PA as well. Its definitely a different culture, things are done differently. Driving is always an adventure. People dress differently, talk differently, relate differently. I'm observing and learning and adapting. I went to a young adult picnic with a local church last night and then attended the church this morning. Its different than a church I've ever been a part of but it was a great morning. Gil and Denise Thomas (affectionately Uncle Gil and Aunt Denise to me, they were fellow missionaries with my parents while I was growing up in Portugal) invited me to come to the church today. They also teach the sunday school class that was at the picnic last night. I was warmly welcomed by numerous people. After church I had lunch with the Thomas family (Gil and Denise and two of their children,Andrea and her fiance and his family, Jon and his wife and adorable lil daughter). Its so great to be around them. I know they know and love and accept me. There is just something comforting about familiarity.
Its starting to sink in that I really picked up my whole life and just left Chicago to come here to a completely different life all together. haha I'm sure that sounds pretty obvious but the implications are all now coming to the surface and working their way into my mind and heart. Such implications are hard to swallow sometimes. Its easy to want to hold on to everything I had in chicago. God is slowly prying my finger away from my clenched fists and opening my hands to His leading. surrender.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
my life on the east coast and the importance of silence
i just had one of those "welcome back to the real world in real time" moments. I'm in Barnes and Noble sitting next to the window (because why would you sit anywhere else?). I've been catching up on reading emails, blogs, etc and the sun was out when i started. I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye and now its POURING outside. It startled me a little bit when I looked up. The rain doesn't start gradually out here, I'm realizing. It will go from absolutely no rain drops to torrential, monsoon-esque, downpour.
But, I'm here! After a long drive on Thursday, Emily dropped me off where Holly picked me up and we moved my things into the house.She has been such an encouragment and blessing! We've had a lot of fun! She and her boy friend Josh have included me in everything just given me the best welcome I could ask for! They took me to down town Harrisburg where we watched the sunset on the river, we went to Baltimore and got sushi and sat by the harbor. Its kind of unreal, really. I can't believe I'm here.
As you can tell, my blogging everyday last month didn't go as well as I had hoped. But thats ok. It was good for me. It helped me stop, focus on what was going on in my life, and figure out which parts of it to tell people. I am always surprised at how God works in the midst of things like that. He if faithful. It reminds me of how living my life as ministry is. I try to live faithfully and honestly before God. As an outpouring of that, I try to live faithfully and honestly before the people around me because I think God teaches and grows us so much through each other. This whole blogging experience has been an experience of that.
This month, my goal is to journal everyday. In a similar manner to the blogging, it creates space for me to think about my day, reflect on it, instead of just moving on without stopping to see God, see life, see people. I think I'm a healthier, more whole person when I am regularly journaling. Another part of this month is, in journaling, easing into my goal for next month: spending an hour in silence every day. An hour seems like an impossible amount of time to sit in silence, so im easing into it while i journal this month. I'm in the process of defining just what that silence will be, what it will entail. I'll fill you in before July 1. :) I want my heart to be quiet before the Lord, to wait before Him and listen to His leading.
Along the lines of silence, it is a lot quieter out here than in Chicago. At first it was almost startling but I think I'm sleeping better. :) and the stars!! so many beautiful peaceful stars!! This is getting too long, so I'll fill you in on more things later. For now, good afternoon from Harrisburg, PA!
But, I'm here! After a long drive on Thursday, Emily dropped me off where Holly picked me up and we moved my things into the house.She has been such an encouragment and blessing! We've had a lot of fun! She and her boy friend Josh have included me in everything just given me the best welcome I could ask for! They took me to down town Harrisburg where we watched the sunset on the river, we went to Baltimore and got sushi and sat by the harbor. Its kind of unreal, really. I can't believe I'm here.
As you can tell, my blogging everyday last month didn't go as well as I had hoped. But thats ok. It was good for me. It helped me stop, focus on what was going on in my life, and figure out which parts of it to tell people. I am always surprised at how God works in the midst of things like that. He if faithful. It reminds me of how living my life as ministry is. I try to live faithfully and honestly before God. As an outpouring of that, I try to live faithfully and honestly before the people around me because I think God teaches and grows us so much through each other. This whole blogging experience has been an experience of that.
This month, my goal is to journal everyday. In a similar manner to the blogging, it creates space for me to think about my day, reflect on it, instead of just moving on without stopping to see God, see life, see people. I think I'm a healthier, more whole person when I am regularly journaling. Another part of this month is, in journaling, easing into my goal for next month: spending an hour in silence every day. An hour seems like an impossible amount of time to sit in silence, so im easing into it while i journal this month. I'm in the process of defining just what that silence will be, what it will entail. I'll fill you in before July 1. :) I want my heart to be quiet before the Lord, to wait before Him and listen to His leading.
Along the lines of silence, it is a lot quieter out here than in Chicago. At first it was almost startling but I think I'm sleeping better. :) and the stars!! so many beautiful peaceful stars!! This is getting too long, so I'll fill you in on more things later. For now, good afternoon from Harrisburg, PA!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
the day in review
I had a pretty normal day at work, lots of random jobs which keeps me on my toes. For lunch I went to Jeremy and Julia's for one last lunch with Julia. Its Zoey's birthday today, crazy! She's a super sweet little one year old! love her! I had a great time making sandwiches and just talking with Julia, as always.
During the semester I had dinner every Thursday night with the girls from my RA small group, it was great and i always looked forward to it! Now that summer is here, a lot of us have left for the summer but there are still 6 of us here and we're still having dinner together on Thursdays. Its wonderful to be able to enjoy each others company without the stress of being in school. Its certainly better than the peanut butter sandwich I would have eaten.
After small group dinner I headed to Jake and Sarah's for Bible Study. I've been meeting with these four girls since February. Tonight, Sarah started reflecting on how much each of us has changed over the last few months. Its really true and its super encouraging to be able to live life with them, see how God has been faithful and see how much He has changed us.
Now, I'm sitting here in Steph's apartment just chillin. im gonna miss this apartment. and the company. :)
During the semester I had dinner every Thursday night with the girls from my RA small group, it was great and i always looked forward to it! Now that summer is here, a lot of us have left for the summer but there are still 6 of us here and we're still having dinner together on Thursdays. Its wonderful to be able to enjoy each others company without the stress of being in school. Its certainly better than the peanut butter sandwich I would have eaten.
After small group dinner I headed to Jake and Sarah's for Bible Study. I've been meeting with these four girls since February. Tonight, Sarah started reflecting on how much each of us has changed over the last few months. Its really true and its super encouraging to be able to live life with them, see how God has been faithful and see how much He has changed us.
Now, I'm sitting here in Steph's apartment just chillin. im gonna miss this apartment. and the company. :)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
a surprise!!!
Allie is here!!! She got stuck at O'Hare for the night so I got to go pick her up and she's spending the night! Love it! SO excited just to see her for a few hours!!
Monday, May 24, 2010
the memoir
i think my favorite kind of writing to read is Memoir. I'm reading a memoir called Thin Places by Mary DeMuth right now and while I don't particularly think all of it is well-written or pieced together, I am almost glad. It's real.
Memoir gives you a glimpse into someone else's life. Sometimes, the author relays thoughts and experiences in such a way that free you because she (or he) has just put into words something that you have felt or thought or experienced but couldn't, for whatever the reason, put words to. Other times it gives you insight to situations that you, save for through the reading of this person's story, could never understand because your experiences have worked out differently.
That is how this memoir has been for me. Mary tells her life story which is spattered with sexual abuse and secrets that no little girl, or adult girl for that matter, should have to keep. Her story is accompanied by painful lessons God's taught her along the way. I benefit from reading her story because through her words I can learn things about God, see facets of His grace, through eyes which I otherwise could not. It helps me understand some of the pain (and the redemption) that those, even those i love dearly, have and are experiencing having faced abuse.
On a slightly different note, in Bible Study on thursday we talked about Biblical hope. It was defined as anxious anticipation or expectation. How different is that than the idea of hope that we're often handed, that which says it is a whimsical wish, "hoping" to win a large sum of money, or to be a princess when i grow up. Instead of riches or fame, I dare to hope, to eagerly anticipate and expect the Lord to do great, unspeakable things as I enter into this new season, and really, in the rest of my time on earth.
Memoir gives you a glimpse into someone else's life. Sometimes, the author relays thoughts and experiences in such a way that free you because she (or he) has just put into words something that you have felt or thought or experienced but couldn't, for whatever the reason, put words to. Other times it gives you insight to situations that you, save for through the reading of this person's story, could never understand because your experiences have worked out differently.
That is how this memoir has been for me. Mary tells her life story which is spattered with sexual abuse and secrets that no little girl, or adult girl for that matter, should have to keep. Her story is accompanied by painful lessons God's taught her along the way. I benefit from reading her story because through her words I can learn things about God, see facets of His grace, through eyes which I otherwise could not. It helps me understand some of the pain (and the redemption) that those, even those i love dearly, have and are experiencing having faced abuse.
On a slightly different note, in Bible Study on thursday we talked about Biblical hope. It was defined as anxious anticipation or expectation. How different is that than the idea of hope that we're often handed, that which says it is a whimsical wish, "hoping" to win a large sum of money, or to be a princess when i grow up. Instead of riches or fame, I dare to hope, to eagerly anticipate and expect the Lord to do great, unspeakable things as I enter into this new season, and really, in the rest of my time on earth.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
migraine
I went to bed with a migraine last night. And then I stayed in bed most of the day with a migraine today. Not fun at all. But, I took a nap and then came over to Jake and Sarah's where they gave me meds and fed me. I'm feeling much better. I think I really needed the sleep but the company helped to. :) Melissa is over here now too and we're just chilin. These times are my favorite. love them! I'll get to spend a significant amount of time with them tomorrow too! Thats all I got for today, folks. Goodnight!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
it all started with the onions
Sadness hit me somewhat unexpectedly and quite forcefully today. The realities of graduation and leaving and goodbyes are settling in slowly as I continue to say goodbyes and experience "lasts" over the next couple weeks. On the one hand, its nice to have more time to spend here and to be able to say goodbye little by little. On the other hand, however, I wish it was more like a bandaid: I could brace myself, rip it off all at once and then move on. But, for now, I'm here slowly saying goodbye and transitioning like a normal person i guess.
I didn't anticipate them, but tears found me today. I sort of felt them accumulating all day but didn't think they would actually make an appearance. Then, while making dinner with Steph, I was cutting onions. The tears that the onions brought just kept flowing for quite a while. I ate dinner with dear girls from my RA small group and then headed to Bible Study. Thats where it really hit me. I've had the joy of FINALLY living near to Sarah for the last two years and its really heart wrenching to think about leaving that. In her precious and totally unique Sarah way she got up, grabbed the tissues and sat next to me cuddled on the couch and we just kept watching Beth Moore on the screen (today's video and lesson were pretty great, by the way. Ask me about it some time).
After Bible Study, I drove home in silence and cried some more. Emily was still up so we got to chat a bit before she went to bed. Its just me again now. But, Laurie's wind chimes are clinging outside: a beautiful, peaceful, comforting sound for my tousled heart.
I didn't anticipate them, but tears found me today. I sort of felt them accumulating all day but didn't think they would actually make an appearance. Then, while making dinner with Steph, I was cutting onions. The tears that the onions brought just kept flowing for quite a while. I ate dinner with dear girls from my RA small group and then headed to Bible Study. Thats where it really hit me. I've had the joy of FINALLY living near to Sarah for the last two years and its really heart wrenching to think about leaving that. In her precious and totally unique Sarah way she got up, grabbed the tissues and sat next to me cuddled on the couch and we just kept watching Beth Moore on the screen (today's video and lesson were pretty great, by the way. Ask me about it some time).
After Bible Study, I drove home in silence and cried some more. Emily was still up so we got to chat a bit before she went to bed. Its just me again now. But, Laurie's wind chimes are clinging outside: a beautiful, peaceful, comforting sound for my tousled heart.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
my little office on the 10th floor of Crowell Hall
I really love my job. Its come to my attention that back in October or November when I got my job, I apparently didn't tell a lot of important people exactly what it was I would be doing. Sorry to all those of you that includes (this may unveil a certain measure of narcissism, assuming people actually want and do read this...I'll work on that).
Anyways, I love my job. I'm an office assistant for a program on Moody Radio called Midday Connection. Most of my time is spent answering emails that the show receives. The questions range from "Who was the guest on the show today?" to pleas for help with depression, loneliness, marriage problems, parenting problems, etc. The latter types of questions I feel ridiculously inadequate to even attempt to answer. A lot of times I point them to resources that have just been talked about on our show. However, there are times when that seems extremely insufficient. I don't usually know quite what to do but I do my best to give people a little bit of encouragement, to pray for them as I read their emails and reply to them, and, when possible, speak a little bit of truth to them.
Back to why I love it. I love it because people are honest. They gain nothing from shooting us an email (well, we do a ton of giveaways but generally, they have no intention of getting anything when they write). People write telling us what they've liked, what they haven't liked, and - what I love most- they tell us a piece of their story, sometimes that piece is a victorious one, sometimes a broken one. I feel privileged to read them and to try my hand at helping them as I reply.
This hasn't been the profoundest of thoughts but I am blessed to like my job so much.
Anyways, I love my job. I'm an office assistant for a program on Moody Radio called Midday Connection. Most of my time is spent answering emails that the show receives. The questions range from "Who was the guest on the show today?" to pleas for help with depression, loneliness, marriage problems, parenting problems, etc. The latter types of questions I feel ridiculously inadequate to even attempt to answer. A lot of times I point them to resources that have just been talked about on our show. However, there are times when that seems extremely insufficient. I don't usually know quite what to do but I do my best to give people a little bit of encouragement, to pray for them as I read their emails and reply to them, and, when possible, speak a little bit of truth to them.
Back to why I love it. I love it because people are honest. They gain nothing from shooting us an email (well, we do a ton of giveaways but generally, they have no intention of getting anything when they write). People write telling us what they've liked, what they haven't liked, and - what I love most- they tell us a piece of their story, sometimes that piece is a victorious one, sometimes a broken one. I feel privileged to read them and to try my hand at helping them as I reply.
This hasn't been the profoundest of thoughts but I am blessed to like my job so much.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
call me a vagabond and feed me leftovers
I moved out of the dorms on Sunday and since then I have felt like a vagabond. I'm staying with some of my besties in their apartment in Logan Square-its really nice of them to let me stay with them. My junk is currently all over their living room. On Sunday after I loaded Elsa's car with my remaining stuff, I was so incredibly exhausted because of a week of very little sleep. With nowhere to take a nap, I layed down in Dryer Lawn on Moody's campus for a little bit before calling a friend to ask if I could crash on her couch. She and her husband had already invited me over to their house for dinner so it worked out nicely. I absolutely LOVED their invitation...they invited me over to eat leftovers with them, that's the mark of true friendship, being comfortable enough to invite me over to eat leftovers with them! I'm sure living out of a suitcase will get old pretty soon but I like it for now.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
a really long week.
Wow what a full week. I've finished college, graduated, did 29 room checks on my floor, moved, said goodbye to too many people, visited with my family, cleaned my floor and most recently parallel parked for the first time. :) I was on campus today after moving out of my room and it was an incredibly strange feeling to walk around realizing that I no longer live there.
Kyhl asked me the other day what one piece of advice or wisdom I would wish to leave with the girls on my floor. I replied that I would plead with them to beg for truth. It seems that most of the problems I've faced or heard about come as a result of believing lies about myself and my identity. It is amazing how different things can look when I see them through the blood of Christ. I am affected less by people mocking me when I realize that I am defined only by my position in Christ, which is all a result of His work, not mine.
A couple pictures of graduation:
Kyhl asked me the other day what one piece of advice or wisdom I would wish to leave with the girls on my floor. I replied that I would plead with them to beg for truth. It seems that most of the problems I've faced or heard about come as a result of believing lies about myself and my identity. It is amazing how different things can look when I see them through the blood of Christ. I am affected less by people mocking me when I realize that I am defined only by my position in Christ, which is all a result of His work, not mine.
A couple pictures of graduation:
Thursday, May 13, 2010
its over.
Well, I just finished my last assignment which means I'm officially DONE with college. I walk across the stage in my funny get up on Saturday to receive my diploma case. CRAZY! I don't have a ton of profound thoughts to tell you. I've been packing all day and now I'm off to do tonight's room checks on my floor!
Monday, May 10, 2010
thirteen great things about today
[in no particular order]
1. affirming and encouraging brunch with Res Life, people I've grown to love and appreciate deeply.
2. cards on sale at Paper Source
3. 1/2 price frapuccinos and catching up with Julia
4. reading books to Zoey
5. the smell of Barnes and Noble and my spontaneous trip there with Amy.
6. making a birthday present
7. Cheesecake Factory with Elsa
8. drinking my morning coffee while talking with Siri and Laura
9. wearing Laura's clothes
10. watching 24 with Amy and Stephanie
11. taking a walk with Kyhl.
12. Erin and Abby tiptoeing into my room super excited to show me a picture on facebook.
13. eating a few of Rachael's salt and vinegar chips.
1. affirming and encouraging brunch with Res Life, people I've grown to love and appreciate deeply.
2. cards on sale at Paper Source
3. 1/2 price frapuccinos and catching up with Julia
4. reading books to Zoey
5. the smell of Barnes and Noble and my spontaneous trip there with Amy.
6. making a birthday present
7. Cheesecake Factory with Elsa
8. drinking my morning coffee while talking with Siri and Laura
9. wearing Laura's clothes
10. watching 24 with Amy and Stephanie
11. taking a walk with Kyhl.
12. Erin and Abby tiptoeing into my room super excited to show me a picture on facebook.
13. eating a few of Rachael's salt and vinegar chips.